i had no idea
you were there
when i was here.
i had no idea
you saw that
when i saw this.
i had no idea
you were saying that
when i heard this.
i had no idea
you felt empty and
my hand meant nothing.

i had no idea.

how could i?

how could i know
you were there
when i was here with you?
how could i know
you saw that
when i saw this with you?
how could i know
you were saying that
when i only heard you?
how could i know
you were empty
when i was filled with you?

how could i know i had no idea?

i don't like myself right now. and what i hate most is the fact that any resolutions for change i make tonight will be abandoned first thing in the morning. it takes more than not liking and even more than hating to change -it takes movement. and movement means no more being lazy -no more laying on the couch eating fritos. it means getting out of bed, walking the little boys to the park, weeding the garden with mom, learning a new language, volunteering to council at camp, being ok alone if it's the best thing for now. that's the hardest part.