let us bring the remedy

2009-07-29T19:04:00.001-07:00

for various unimportant reasons (mostly that everyone else is doing it and i want in on the fun), i am switching my blog to wordpress. so in the future, you can find me and my thoughts at mandalun.wordpress.com. i've been distracted from writing lately, but i plan on making it a priority again as i seem to live life more fully when i put it into my own words. so here's to life through my eyes!

2009-06-23T11:17:00.001-07:00

i had no idea
you were there
when i was here.
i had no idea
you saw that
when i saw this.
i had no idea
you were saying that
when i heard this.
i had no idea
you felt empty and
my hand meant nothing.

i had no idea.

how could i?

how could i know
you were there
when i was here with you?
how could i know
you saw that
when i saw this with you?
how could i know
you were saying that
when i only heard you?
how could i know
you were empty
when i was filled with you?

how could i know i had no idea?

2009-06-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

i don't like myself right now. and what i hate most is the fact that any resolutions for change i make tonight will be abandoned first thing in the morning. it takes more than not liking and even more than hating to change -it takes movement. and movement means no more being lazy -no more laying on the couch eating fritos. it means getting out of bed, walking the little boys to the park, weeding the garden with mom, learning a new language, volunteering to council at camp, being ok alone if it's the best thing for now. that's the hardest part.

2009-04-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

i need to know it's ok.
ok to have questions,
ok to be confused,
ok to be scared,
ok to not always smile.
i just need to know it's ok.
maybe then i can start to trust.

2009-04-25T03:09:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if the world i see is the same world everyone else sees. what if we all see the world in different colors? we may all agree that the grass is green -but what if what i see as green is blue to you? in that case my world could look very different from yours -my sun might be purple for all i know. but that doesn't mean it's wrong. (but your sun might be fuchsia, and that WOULD be wrong). if everything was black and white there would be no confusion over view points and opinions and the color of water. but there wouldn't be yellow daffodils or pink flamingos either. and that would be a sad world. what kind of world would it be for parrots if all we had was black and white?

as you might guess, i'm trying to convince myself of this. i'm trying to remember to be thankful for different perspectives and new experiences that get you up close and personal with tough stuff you never thought had more than 2 very distinct right and wrong sides. i'm trying to remind myself that red roses and yellow giraffes are worth foggy, confusing trips through trial and error. because while penguins and nuns would still be cute in a world of black and white, the rest of the world would look awfully dull.

2009-03-26T17:34:00.001-07:00

i have a job. all of a sudden i have just what i've wanted for the past month. i thought i knew what would make everything alright -a secure position where i would be guaranteed a monthly paycheck. but suddenly i have it and i'm not so sure. maybe i should have run away to the orphanages of africa while i had a chance. now i'm committed. and don't get me wrong, i'm grateful. ever so grateful. it's just strange when you think you know what you want, and you get it only to find you want something else. while security is great, i'm finding there are much more important things. the picture in my head isn't black and white like it used to be -perhaps i need some new glasses. or maybe i should make an exchange for a blank picture with places for all the colors of the rainbow.

2009-03-20T01:07:00.000-07:00

i think you might laugh if you could see me now. you'd at least wonder. i'm sitting crosslegged on a sleeping bag laid out on the kitchen floor. i feel like i'm playing boat, the wood floor is the ocean lapping up against the sides of my sturdy sea craft, the sleeping bag. i've got my laptop here, my book next to me, and a glass of water close by. what else do you need? seriously. it wasn't too long ago that this was enough for me. i'm not sure what happened, but suddenly i have credit card payments and loans to think about and a job to get so i can do more than just think about them. all of a sudden there are bigger things to worry about than what's for snack. when did that happen?

i'm reading a book. (surprise!) it's one that i've seen on my dad's shelf for a long time -ruthless trust, by brennan manning. somehow those words don't seem to go together, yet they fit without trying. ruthless -that sounds like a dangerous adventure. and trust -that sounds peaceful and secure. a peaceful, secure, dangerous adventure -that sounds too good to be true.

trust is not something i know very much about. it's not something i've ever been good at -and i try to avoid getting too involved with things i'm not good at. trust requires vulnerability. it requires you to let go of pride and independence and let go. let go? what? can you even imagine what would happen if i just let go? well, we may never know because my hands are clenched so tightly i can't tell where my fingers end and my cares begin.

in his book, manning tells a story of a man meeting mother theresa. when she asks him what he wants prayer for, he says, "clarity." she says she can't do that. she says, "clarity is the last thing you're clinging to and must let go of." (see, there it is -"let go.") the man comments that she always seems to have great clarity in her mission. she laughs and says, "i have never had clarity; what i have always had is trust."

i want to trust. believe me, i do. but it always seems like such bad timing. how about in a couple of years when my loans are all paid off -how about i let go and trust then? why don't you let me finish up here, get things squared away, then i'll be ready to do whatever you say. but what is trust if you have nothing to worry about? what good is letting go if you're not holding on to anything? what kind of trust says now that i have a safe, soft place to fall, i'll let you catch me?

that's not trust. there's certainly nothing ruthless or dangerous about giving up plans that are already carried out to a tee. there's nothing scary about stepping into a dark room when you've made sure a light will go on as soon as you have a doubt. that's not even wimpy trust. and it definitely doesn't make for much of an adventure. i want more.

europe: bagpipes and guiness

2009-03-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

[wednesday, february 11th]
lizzie and i got up early[ier] wednesday morning and made frenchtoast in honor of our departure. jayne dropped us off at the train station at about 11am and after lots of hugs, we said goodbye to our dear friend and headed back into the scary world. we got the train to edinburgh and found our hostel, brodies, along the royal mile, without hardly a glitch. it was a beautiful afternoon so we took our sandwiches and walked down to a park near the sir walter scott monument.

we played with the pigeons, admired the flowers' valiant efforts, and imagined the park a few months down the road with spring in full bloom. after lunch we went to the national gallery of scotland and walked through color-era coordinated rooms until they closed and we had to leave before making it to the impressionists. but we did see some rembrandt and van gogh on our way out! on our way to the hostel we got to hear some bag pipes and my "scary thing for the day" was posing close to the musician for a picture.

we got pasta at a grocery store for dinner and found jade (our third roommate from oxford who is going to grad school in aberdeen) waiting for us at the hostel when we got back. roommate reunion!

we had dinner and tea and talked around the table before going back out into the night for a "tour of hanted edinburgh," a la jade. (she'd gone on an actual tour only a few months before, so she remembered most of the stories and facts). a full moon looked down as jade led us through dark cemeteries where we saw hume's grave and ghost faces on gravestones, over "suicide bridge," and up hills past a replica of the roman parthenon (that isn't finished), and we were entertained and scared (but only a little) by stories of grave robberies, the black plague, and the ghosts inhabiting places like mary king's close.

after enough scaring for one night, we went back to the hostel for tea and much more conversation before bed that night.

[thursday, february 12th]
thursday morning dawned and we were greeted with -surprise -snow!! actually not really a surprise as snow followed us everywhere we went. not to be deterred, we bundled up and headed up the royal mile to edinburgh castle.

our labor was in vain though, as we found it closed due to the weather conditions. it was sad, but we determined to see some other sights and then check back with the castle later. we went to st. giles cathedral and stood in awe of yet another beautiful church (i keep wondering -what kind of places will we leave for future generations to admire?). after walking down the royal mile and back up again, we checked back at the castle and found it open -joy!

we sopped (literally) through the castle and saw st. mary's cathedral (the oldest part of the castle), the dog cemetery, the scottish crowned jewels, the dungeons, the prisoners of war quarters (where american pows were treated the worst, as they were assumed to be pirates), etc.

we had lunch at the castle tea rooms and even shared hot chocolate for a treat.

it was so much fun spending time with jade and walking around as the "threesome" we were at oxford.

we left the castle in the late afternoon and went back to the hostel to get our things and head for the train station (and jade to the bus station). after saying goodbye to jade we were just in time to get the 6pm train to glascow. we met my third cousin, donna clark and her husband at the glascow train station and they drove us through the stormy dark to their home right on the coast near the prestwick airport. the clarks are an amazing family with a huge 130 year old house they have been renovating. we were treated to delicious split pea soup (a homeschool home-ec project) and sandwiches and lovely hot showers and baths. once again we were spoiled by the hospitality of people we've never even met! anastasia, the 10 year old daughter, gave us her room for the night and we slept well, though not for long, only about 4 hours by the time we went to bed.

[friday, february 13th]
yep, friday the 13th! we made the most of it waking up at 4:30am to catch our super cheap (ryan air) 6:30am flights out of prestwick airport into dublin. the clarks were wonderful and made us bacon and toast for breakfast and sent us with sandwiches and cookies and apples for lunch -like i said -amazing hospitality. they left us at the airport running to catch our flight, but we got on without problem. we found ourselves in dublin before the tourist office opened, so we hung out in the lobby for awhile until we could buy bus passes to get into the city. we took the bus to a hostel only to find the prices they had advertised online were for male dorms only, (i'm not gonna lie, i felt like being a feminist) and since we weren't willing to pay more for the female dorms, we left in search of another hostel. we found avalon hostel and were glad we had continued our search as it was in the center of town, had free wireless, and had its own coffee shop! we made use of the coffee shop and wireless for the next several hours until we could get into our rooms at 2pm. at that point we were quite exhausted and couldn't imagine getting much out of walking around dublin, so we slept the afternoon away. that evening we went down to o'connel street, found a theatre, and saw "valkerie." we had seen it advertised since we started out in berlin, so we'd been wanting to see it for a long time. we had nutella sandwiches and carrots and hummus (surprise!) for dinner and went to bed pretty early, still exhausted from the early morning.

[saturday, february 14th]
we spent valentine's day roaming the streets of dublin along with all the other couples of the world. we started out with a guiness and a shot of jameson whiskey at temple bar. it was 1 o'clock and the famous bar was already crowded with people and live music. then we continued walking and went to trinity college where we saw the tail end of a football game (my team won) while eating our sandwiches. we thought about seeing the book of kells, but when we found out the display wasn't even the original, decided against it and admired it in gift shop book pictures, instead. we amused ourselves with oscar wilde quote books ("the only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself." so true.) and irish joke books (my favorite: secretary says to her boss, "mr. nobody is here to see you." boss says back, "tell him i can't see him." ha!) we left trinity college and got to st. stephen's gate just as they were closing it for the night, so we continued on. we stopped at marks and spencers on our way to the bus stop and scored on a chocolate fudge valentine's day cake. we got the bus to howth village, about 40 minutes from dublin, and walked a short bit to the home of marlene mccormick (the mother of a friend of a friend of my dad's -say that 10 times fast). she surprised us with dinner -fresh fish casserole. it was wonderful. we talked over chocolate cake and tea and planned out the next day before turning in for the night.

sunday, february 15th]
after breakfast sunday morning, marlene walked us down the coast to the howth sunday market at the pier. we admired jewelry, baked goods, vegetables, crafts, etc. and then spent a while reading on a bench out on the pier. when we were too cold to read anymore, we got the most delicious vegetable soup to share for lunch. for dessert we split a crepe, which should have been banana and nutella, but at the last second i ordered an interesting chocolate and marshmallow combination. it was good, but i'd go for banana and nutella any day. after lunch we got the bus back into dublin and continued our tour of the city with st. stephen's green. it was a beautiful sunday afternoon for a walk through the parks and we weren't the only ones who thought so. there were families and couples and friends strolling, feeding the ducks, and generally enjoying the sun. we did the same. at about 2:30pm we started walking in a round about way toward st. patrick's cathedral. we got there just in time for the afternoon service and got to enjoy the cathedral not only as a beautiful building, but as a place of worship (and by attending the service we bypassed the 6.50 entrance fee). after the service we took our time wandering through the cathedral and saw where jonathan swift (gulliver's travels) is buried. we left the cathedral and started out in the direction of the guiness brewery, without which our tour of dublin would not be complete, of course. along the way we passed by what we think were some of the famous "colored doors" of dublin. we didn't actually pay to go inside the guiness brewery, but we took a picture outside and called it good. we also found st. james gate and lizzie got her picture, though sadly she wasn't wearing her "st. james" shirt that day. we got the bus back to o'connel street and after saying goodbye to dublin, we got another bus back to howth. marlene made a lovely dinner that night and we even made it back in time to enjoy it with her. we were treated to bread pudding with fresh rhubarb -fabulous! -and after more tea, we went to bed for the last time in europe (for now) full and happy with the promise of a full irish breakfast in the morning.

[monday, february 16th]
marlene didn't disappoint -we enjoyed a full irish breakfast with all the fixins', including black pudding, on monday morning. we had packed up the night before, so we got our things together pretty quickly and were ready to head for the airport by 9:30am. before taking us to the airport, marlene took us up the cliffs at howth to see the spectacular ocean view. we took pictures and then she took us to howth castle (which has recently opened up as a culinary school) where there is a beautiful golf course and another great view of the ocean and coast line. it was gorgeous and green and lizzie and i decided again that we must come back to ireland to see more of the countryside and actually spend a decent amount of time there. marlene dropped us off at the airport in plenty of time for our flight and we said goodbye to her and the trip of a lifetime. we got on our flight for chicago at 2:30pm and spent the next hours watching movies and playing word games. we finished our books in the chicago airport, so we spent our connecting flight to seattle trying to sleep and failing miserably. thank God for sudoku! our parents were there to greet us at the bottom of the escalator in seattle and with our dads carrying our backpacks, we felt rather naked.

it's a bittersweet thing, coming back from a trip. it's wonderful to be home and we were more than ready to be done living out of a backpack for awhile, but it also meant driving off in opposite directions and waking up without the excitement of wondering what adventures will be had that day. but there are adventures at home, too -just normally not so exciting as backpacking across europe.

and with that, my europe journals are complete. thanks for reading along and joining in my adventures!

europe: new castles, walls, and lakes

2009-03-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

[saturday, february 7th]
saturday rolled around and we were up and out earlier than we've been the whole trip -possibly. we got a train from york and then on to newcastle where we met jayne who had arrived in the UK only a few hours earlier. jayne's brother, gary, who had cancer all last year, had just died that previous week, so jayne had flown back from korea for the funeral and to be with her family. that evening we went to jayne's house and got to meet her parents, elizabeth and fred, who met every expectation of british hosts by serving us tea and cookies and calling us "pets." we spent the night at jayne's friend's house. eugene and sanet are a couple from south africa who have a lovely house and are some of the nicest, most hospitable people i've ever met. eugene is a fabulous cook who showed off his skilled by making us dinner each night we stayed at their home. that first night was jayne's pick -rack of lamb served with potatoes, broccoli, and mixed vegetables. amazing! we went to bed tired and happy.

[sunday, february 8th]
on sunday, after sanet made us a lovely breakfast of crumpets with butter and cheese, jayne took lizzie and i on a tour of the area. first we went to durham and walked around and saw the university and cathedral.

to our great surprise, we found ourselves at the venerable st. bede's burial site there in durham cathedral. lizzie about busted her britches with excitement and went so far as to take an illegal picture. we walked along the river in the sunshine and grew even more jealous of jayne as she told us about how, as an elementary student, she used to go on fieldtrips there to sketch the durham landscape.

after leaving durham jayne drove us by a school (that i can't remember the name of) which was the/one of the models for the hogwarts of harry potter. we drove up the coast and stopped at the small town of seahouses where we sat on benches down by the beach and made the seagulls jealous with the most amazing fish and chips (and batter bits).

our next stop was bamburgh castle, an incredible castle set right out on the rocks at the coast.

we couldn't go inside, as it's still in use as a residence, but we got up close and took lots of jumping photos.

we walked and ran and fell through the dunes near the beach and made our way down to the shore where lizzie collected limpet shells, jayne took pictures, and i frolicked about giving jayne reasons to take pictures.

by then it was late afternoon and we started the drive back to south shields. but we had to take a bit of a detour, since ever since lizzie had found out that jayne lived near hadrian's wall, we'd known we'd have to see it if we ever came to see jayne -and there we were! we finally found his wall surrounded by other "walls" trying to fool us, and took lots of pictures standing on the wall, doing jumping jacks on the wall, sleeping on the wall, modeling on the wall, etc. etc.

when we'd run out of ideas, we got back in the car and were on our way home. that night eugene made roast chicken and mini potatoes and brussels sprouts (only like my second time having them ever -yum!!). of course, it was amazing.

[monday, february 9th]
on monday (also the day of gary's (jayne's brother) funeral) morning lizzie and i took the train to the grand old town of york, where we saw ten thousand men, and marched up to the top of the wall and then marched down again. in between, we went to trinity church and found a wall lined with plaques remembering "elizabeths" and even an "elizabeth jane," this was our first clue that we belonged in york.

our second clue was a shop across the street -"amanda's."

after finding that all the interesting ethnic food restaurants were closed on mondays, we had lunch (actually breakfast for lizzie -her first full english breakfast of the trip) at a cute little cafe and went through a large pot of tea all by ourselves (ok, we did spill a bit of it). throughout the day we walked through roman ruins, the york minster, the shambles (oldest street in york), clifford's tower, the castle (which we're still not sure we actually found, but we did go in the gift shop), and a chocolate shop (we knew not to go back to the house after a funeral without chocolate).

we got a bit lost finding our way back to the train station, but nothing too exciting, and got back to sanet and eugene's around 7:30pm. eugene outdid himself again with a wonderful meal of ginger salmon and brocolli and potatoes. it was a bit of a down night, being the day of the funeral and all, and there were lots of tears and hugs and "magic chocolate" before the night was over.

[tuesday, february 10th]
the next morning, tuesday, we were up and at 'em early to meet jayne's mom, elizabeth (but for the sake of this post, i'll call her "jayne's mom." for those of you who don't know, jayne's first/real name is elizabeth, so i was the odd manda out with three elizabeths! i didn't have any problems, it was just lizzie, jayne, and elizabeth to me. but there were more than a few times "elizabeth" was put out there and everybody looked. poor them.). with jayne's mom's trusty england road map in hand, we set off for the lake district. it was a gorgeous day -all sun and blue sky.

elizabeth and i had the best seats in the house as we drove through the countryside with our fabulous tour guide -jayne's mom -pointing out bits of hadrian's wall, a clearing where robinhood was filmed, and teaching us all kinds of english/scottish history. (for example, kilts didn't come into use until the victorian era when the scots wanted to wear something special to greet queen victoria at her birthday, thus, they created the kilt! so mel gibson in a kilt in braveheart -false.) we ran into a few detours along the way, and of course had to stop for a bite to eat at a roadside pub, but eventually made it to windermere.

it's no surprise this beautiful area gave birth (in a sense) to the talents of william wordsworth and beatrix potter. i'm sure i saw peter rabbit and mrs. tiggy winkle peering from behind some bushes and it's no wonder my heart with pleasure filled as i danced with the daffodils. we walked beside the lake at windermere and i made friends (or tried to) with a swan on the beach, then walked up through the narrow streets of the lakeside town.

we had a lovely time and got back in the car boasting only one mishap involving a very muddy hillside and a very white coat (i'm not giving anything away if i say it was elizabeth).

everyone was pretty tired as we drove home and lizzie and i again had the best seats as we were able to lay back and black out for awhile. thanks for driving jayne! we got back late, had pizza for dinner with sanet and eugene, and mourned our last (this trip at least) wonderful night in newcastle.

europe: back in the UK

2009-02-13T03:23:00.001-08:00

january 29th
thursday morning we got a bus to the beauvais airport and after a few minor delays, were thrilled to make our flight out of paris. we spent the afternoon at the airport in glascow before getting our flight to london (i highly recommend yates where buying cheap food will get you hours in their big comfy couches). we got into london stansted about 9:20pm and got the bus to finchley road where we met matt geirhart, a great guy with a big flat and a roommate away in switzerland. it was so nice to have this place to stay while we were in london!! we meant to go to bed right away, but the energy from our laptops was enough to keep us awake another few hours. ha.

january 30th
on friday we decided to hit up some museums. first was the national gallery where we took our time roaming through rooms of rembrandt, vermeer, da vinci, turner, and claude, then had to practically run through degas, cezanne, monet, manet, renoirt, van gogh, and picasso as the museum was about to closing. we could have spent quite a while longer there. then we moved on to the british museum and went through the roman and greek sculpture halls and the parthenon galleries (where, sadly, many people and horses are missing appendages which are still currently back in athens). amazing. we spent the last of our time in a special exhibit on "death and dying." intriguing to see a secular museum deal with so spiritual an issue. makes me realize you can't get around hoping there's more to life than here and now. on that note, i saw a london bus go by with these words blaring from the side: "there's probably no god. so stop worrying and live your life," ah. a blog on that might follow at some point.

january 31st
we had planned saturday to be our "london sights" day -westminster, st. pauls, big ben, covent gardens, trafalger square, etc. -but then matt (whose flat we were staying at) mentioned a market down the road in camden and we decided to walk by, our "walk by" turned into a day spent roaming through hundreds of stalls selling everything from elephant candle holders and flower/vine lamps to chinese dresses and vintage converse. i've never seen so many people at one market. lizzie found a gorgeous blue chinese birthday dress and i got a yellow hat to replace my lost green one -apparently yellow is the new green (among other things). that night we went to indian food with matt -a very nice place where you had to know which fork to use first. oh dear. i watched elizabeth and matt carefully and didn't make too big a fool of myself. that night i made cinnamon rolls for lizzie's b-day (feb. 1st), so that they were ready to pop in the oven the next morning.

february 1st
sunday morning dawned and all lizzie's dreams came true when she smelled the cinnamon rolls. actually i burnt the tops and though they were ok smothered in cream cheese frosting, i promised to make them again at home (where ovens cook evenly). at 11am we left to get the bus to oxford and were in one of our favorite places by 2pm. we oohed and awed over our first sights of oxford from the windows until we got to gloucester green and were allowed to step foot on that blessed soil. we went to sunday tea at crick (the house where we lived when we were there), were greeted by jonathan (our old junior dean), and jade (our third roommate) even joined us for a few minutes when jonathan found her on skype! we drank cup after cup of tea -"fat cows" for us -with sugar and milk. that evening jonathan made an amazing three course meal for us -i have an entire paragraph describing it in my journal, but i'll spare you for now. we hung out in the crick kitchen talking for hours -just like old times -had a snowball fight out in the street at about midnight, and walked back to our hostel through falling snow. it was wonderful to be back again and lizzie and i felt like we could fit right back in with hardly a glitch.

february 2nd
we spent monday roaming around oxford and visiting all our old haunts (most of which we couldn't go in because we're no longer students with ID cards). we had tea at frewin court with simon (who was there when we were), got a warm cookie at "ben's cookies," a sausage in the covered market, pasties at cornwall, saw the radcliffe camera, the bodleain, history and english faculty libraries, the alternate tuck shop, etc. etc. nothing much had changed. before leaving oxford met jonathan at blackwells (my favorite bookstore!) and chatted it up over mochas. at 4:30 we got our bus back to london and were back at matt's flat by 7pm. his roommate, josh, was stuck in geneva because of snow, so we got the bed another night. yay!

february 3rd
tuesday arrived and we stormed the castle -the tower of london, that is. jayne had bought us tickets for lizzie's birthday, (a surprise to lizzie) so we enjoyed a day spent on the snow covered grounds of the castle. after a photo with 2 beafeaters, we got a tour from the only female beafeater and learned about those held in the tower -sir thomas moore, anne and jane bolyn, lady jane grey, jane seymour, (a lot of women, it seemed) were among them. we marveled at the crown jewels (and rode the belt past them at least 5 times), walked along the tower walls, and stood in the very square where executions took place. that evening we met up with laura and gillian, friends we met in korea who are now living in london, for dinner. it was great to catch up with them, (and get our bangers and mash in at the same time). at 7pm we rushed to apollo victoria theatre for our scheduled entertainment -"wicked!" the musical tells the story of glynda (the good witch) and elzeba (the wicked witch of the west) in their pre "wizard of oz" days. it was a fabulous show full of funny lines, great choruses, and impressive dance steps. we enjoyed it to the fullest. after he show, since the night was still young at 11pm, we went over to kings cross station to get our train to hogwarts. there at platform 9 3/4 we pushed and pushed, but unfortunately the weasley family was not there to help us and we never got through. however, we got lots of great pictures in the process.

february 4th
wednesday morning we got up early ready to get an early start to cambridge. but because of snow, we were delayed at most every point. what should have taken 2 and a half hours ended up taking over 5 hours and we didn't get into cambridge until after 3pm. we quickly checked into our hostel and made the most of the little remaining daylight. we galavanted through the peterhouse college grounds, which were beautiful covered in snow. then we continued on and found kings college just in time for evensong. it was sweet to get to be there for a service -the chapel was gorgeous and we got to sit right behind the choir, so we would have known if they were off key at all -and believe me, they were not. we made dinner and a chocolate chocolate cake to share with our hostelmates, did laundry, and went to bed semi-early.

february 5th
thursday morning, after trying 3 different showers and finding them all cold, i gave up on being clean for the moment. we had our first full english breakfast at the hostel, and set out with full tummies. we got the train to wales, and due to more snow delays, didn't get to caernarfon (in north east wales) until 6pm. our hostel there was a very cute place just inside the city walls -a big house converted into a hostel by a family who now runs it. we drank lots of tea and watched our first movie of the trip there (it was VHS) -notting hill. quite appropriate as we had just been in london.

february 6th
we bundled up and set out for the castle (a 3 minute walk from our hostel!) friday morning. caernarfon castle was built in 1283 by edward I, and was one in a series of castles he built along the coast in snowdenia after he took over wales. caenarfron is the biggest and was intended to be the main castle. edward II was born in the eagle tower and was there crowned the first prince of wales. as it was a semi-dreary february day, we pretty much had the whole castle to ourselves. we took full advantage of this and romped about like little kids -climbing up all the towers and going through every hall and checking out every nook and cranny we came across. and of course, we played some hide and seek. seriously, this would be an amazing place to play sardines. we got lost a few times without even meaning to. my brothers, ben and soren and haddon would have a hay day there! we spent the rest of the day roaming the streets, drinking tea back at the hostel, and catching up on our journals with"mulan" playing in the background.

europe: swiss miss to ah pari

2009-02-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

[written jan. 30th]

sunday, jan. 25th
we had a modest goal for switzerland -hot chocolate. so during our 40 minute break between trains in zurich, we quickly found a cafe and got to work. the hot chocolate wasn't like you normally get at starbucks or somewhere, but came with a glass of hot milk and a package of cocoa you stirred in yourself. it mixed in without a lump and was the smooth like syrup. we sat there in our window seat acting like we always paid 4.70 for gourmet hot chocolate during our train breaks. ha.

we got our train at 5pm and slept a bit, but mostly did sukoku until we got to milan about 7:30pm. so there we were sitting in the milan train station when 2 boys, about 16 or 17, came up and asked us for money. after a minute or so they finally left, and i turned around and something was not right. "elizabeth, where's my bag?" i asked in total disbelief. i was ready to laugh or cry at the empty spot where my bag had been right beside me, and since crying was too messy, i laughed. it was, and still is, the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard of. my GIGANTIC pack which weighs about 2.7 tons, had been sitting next to me on the bench, touching me -and it was gone, just like that. we were flabbergasted (i hardly ever get to use that word. fun.). We soon realized the boys were just a distraction while a third guy took my pack and hurried out of there. i walked all over in search of anything to do with it, but of course, found nothing. i filed a police report and lizzie and i raced to catch our train to milan, only to find out it would be 25 pounds to ride the night train to paris.

so there we were in the milan train station (my least favorite station in the world as i know it), just robbed and with nowhere to go. we sat on a bench, mad at the world ready to go home and just be done. after freezing for awhile, we found the waiting room which was a bit warmer and camped out on a piece of bench for the next 6 hours with our bags practically tied to us and lizzie's blanket snuggled around us. now we can relate to homeless people a little better.

monday, jan. 26th
6:40am finally came and we got the train the paris and spent the next 6 hours sleeping and trying to get good pictures of the alps out the window (more difficult than you might think). we got into paris at 2:20pm, got a baguette and free wifi at a street cafe (my first attempt at french failed miserably), and found our home for the next 3 days -the peace and love hostel. by that time it was too late to go out and we were exhausted, so we relaxed that evening and went to bed at 8:30pm.

tuesday, jan. 27th
we slept hard until 9:30am (that's 13 hours of sleep -wow) and showed up sparkling clean, our tummies filled with nutella sandwiches and yogurt, for a walking tour of paris at 11:30am. we walked all over the city -starting at st. michel's, going through notre dame cathedral , shakespeare and co. (bookstore where hemingway and james joyce hung out back in the day! if you buy a book there, they stamp it with "ground zero" because it's just across from notre dame where napoleon crowned himself, thereby the area became the center of the world, according to him). karen, our tour guide, took us all over and told tons of fun stories about the city and its history. we went by the louvre, the palais royale, the victory arch, a couple of churches (of which i can't remember the name), and much more. the tour ended at the big palace and the little palace (english translation, i can't remember the french names) where we learned that hitler had hated paris and when he thought he might lose the war, he sent one of his men to make sure it was destroyed before the allies got there. but this guy (deitrich ________) fell in love with the city and couldn't bear to see it destroyed so he lied to hitler and bought time until the allies came and freed the city. thank you deitrich -without you we may have missed out on beautiful paris. after the tour lizzie and i went off with 2 girls (ali from seattle and hillary from london, ontario, there were 5 of us from WA staying at the hostel!) to walk the beautiful boulevard toward the arc de triomphe. after seeing it up close and personal we went on to the eiffel tower and got there just in time to see it sparkle (which it only does on the hour at night)! it was gorgeous. we went up to the 3rd floor and were there to see it sparkle again -up close this time. it was magical. we headed back to the hostel after that and had pasta and went to bed early, again.

wednesday, jan. 28th
wednesday morning we went to the catacombs with ali and hillary. we climbed down down down and walked through hall after hall after hall of bones -just right there lining the walls. 6 million people were moved from various cemeteries around paris in the late 18th and early 19th centuries and buried there in the catacombs. it was quite an experience, one that i wouldn't want to do alone. afterwards we walked to sacre' coure (church of the sacred heart) which is built on the highest point in paris. after touring the beautiful church, we walked around in search of moulin rouge, which we knew was somewhere nearby. we passed many street artists and eccentric shops and eventually found what we were looking for -windmill and all. we went back to the hostel for a quick dinner (we've decided kitchens make the hostel) and lots of coffee in preparation for tackling the louvre. wednesday night is "cheap late night" (remember that for your trip) -just perfect for us. we started with a visit to ms. lisa, of course, then wandered through hall after hall admiring raphaels, botticellis, da vincis, etc. etc. we went through the roman sculpture rooms and had fun identifying all the greek myths we could and learning new hair styles inspired by the goddesses. i think our favorite was eros and psyche -a gorgeous limestone that stretches across with cupid holding psyche back against him, her hair falling on his knees. lizzie decided such an inspired work of art would be perfect for her future home's entryway. we continued through the european sculpture halls and were about to venture through a picasso exhibit when the clock ticked 9 and we were suddenly surrounded by herds of men and women in navy blue uniforms herding us out of the museum. we took the metro back to the hostel and feasted on carrots and peppers with hummus and baguette with fondue. yum! to break the pattern, this was a late night and we paid for it the next morning. goodbye paris!!

europe: disney to the alps

2009-01-30T17:52:00.000-08:00

[written sunday, jan. 25th]

wednesday was a lovely day. we took the train to fussen, about 2 hours from munich, and the closest town to the ever famous neuschwanstein castle. this castle was built by ludwig ii in 18---and was designed to be what he thought a truly medieval castle should be -but it was never completed because he died unexpectedly (probably suicide). neuschwanstein is the model for disney's castle and is pretty much the romantic ideal i picture when i think of medieval castles. the castle sits high up in the mountains surrounded by trees and almost hidden from view until you arrive at the gates. white frosted trees, snow laden walks, and low foggy mists made the castle's gates, towers, and terraces even more idyllic. snow started falling on our way back from the castle and lizzie and i felt like we were in narnia as we made our way down the mountain. we got the train back to munich and went to bed early after readying for the next day in rothenburg.

after a rather interesting day of traveling (see my blog for more stories), we finally arrived in rothenburg early thursday evening. my parent's friend, lisa, has a cousin in bad windsheim who was wonderful enough to let us stay with him. james picked us up from the station at rothenburg and took us to his home where his wife and daughter had prepared a traditional german meal of pork roast, potato dumplings, and purple cabbage (like sourcraut). it was wonderful! the ripley family was great company (and they had an amazingly comfy guest bed christened "the princess bed.") the next day, barbara and jackie took us to rothenburg and we walked through blustery snow to the "christmas village" where they had thousands more ornaments in one place than i've ever seen in my life put together. we visited a church where they had a beautifully carved wood alter. then we walked through the snow down cute little streets and after getting cinnamon-sugar schneeballs, a traditional pastry, barbara dropped us off at the train station.

we got the train back to munich (much less trouble getting back than getting there) and then on to salzburg where we found our hostel (after only one wrong turn!). we were dead tired so we went straight to bed. the next morning we ate our nutella on bread and went out to see the sights and hear the sounds of salzburg. first we hiked up to the kapuziner monastery and got some great shots of the city. then we walked around down cute, narrow, winding streets, saw the glockenspiel, and found our way up to the hohensalzburg fortress. on our way down we tried opening some big metal gates thinking they would be locked, only to find ourselves in a crammed graveyard outside the church of st. sebastion. i love walking through graveyards (morbid, i know), so that was pretty sweet. we walked through beautiful squares, taking picture after picture, shared a huge bacon and cheese pretzel, and visited one of the most uniquely gorgeous churches i've ever seen (probably one of my top 3 favorite churches). we found the house where mozart was born and the home where he grew up (nearby across the river), promenaded through the schloss (palace) mirabell gardens (which are supposedly the most beautiful wedding venue in the world), and enjoyed one of my favorite things -crisp apple strudel -before making our may back to the hostel to spend the evening journaling, doing much needed laundry, and packing up to leave early the next morning.

the alarm went off at 7am and lizzie and i reluctantly crawled out of bed, loaded up our huge packs, and got to the station in time for the 8:30 train to zurich -which didn't exist. i don't know what i read, but we spent a lovely 2 hours in the station before catching the 10:30 train. i'm now writing this from that very train, where i'm looking out at the snow covered alps and the sounds of music are still running through my head.

2009-01-22T13:44:00.000-08:00

travel happens. as much as we try to plan our time -how we are going to get from one place to the next, when we are going to leave, when we will arrive, where we will stay, etc. -it usually ends up happening quite differently than we expected. take today for instance.

we had planned to go to rothenburg and we knew it would be a bit more complicated than normal because it's a smaller town and a bit out of the way. so last night we looked up the train schedule, wrote down which connections we'd need with times and platform numbers, etc. and were all set. or so we thought. according to the schedule, we'd leave at 10:55am and get to rothenburg about 1:30pm. no problem, right?

after breakfast at our hostel (they had peanut butter and bananas -i was a happy happy camper!!), we set out to catch the 10:55 train to nurnburg. all well so far, we arrived in nurnburg and found our connecting train to ansbach right across at the next platform. we both commented on how much we like traveling by train -especially in germany where the system works like clockwork. maybe this is where we jinxed ourselves?

i don't know exactly how it happened, but we got off at the wrong stop -a random little town just minutes from where we should have gotten off. after looking at train schedule postings and getting very confused, we realized our mistake and sat down (outside in the cold because little towns apparently don't keep their stations open on thursday afternoons) to wait for the next train. the train came along after a bit, and we got up ready to get on, only to be confused by the signs in the window which looked like it was going right back to where we came from, which we definitely didn't want. we paused for like 2 seconds (literally) to think this over, and as soon as we realized we did indeed want this train, the doors were closing and there was no getting on.

so we sat back down, determining to get on the next train no matter what. a while later, the train pulled in and we were inside before your mom could go to college. (which is not very long). we rode along until we came to ansbach, which is where we'd wanted to be in the first place. at ansbach, we looked up our next stop in a computer, found the time and platform, and were there in mere seconds only to realize the train was just leaving and it didn't seem to be the train we wanted. so we went inside to wait for the next train which was scheduled for an hour later.

after an hour, we went to wait at the platform where we met a guy who asked if we needed help, and informed us that there were "no trains" to rothenburg. oh. he said we'd have to take a bus, so we went out to the bus station to check things out. we found a stop for rothenburg, attempted to read the time table, and sat down (outside in the freezing cold) to wait for the 3:45 bus. you should know that doing sudoku with mittens on is hard work. 3:45 rolled around, there was no bus. 3:50 came, and still no bus. when it was 3:55, we decided we'd read the schedule wrong and went inside to ask someone. at information, i was again told there were indeed "no trains" to rothenburg. right. so we found some seats inside the station where it was semi-warmer, sat down to wait for the next train, and continued our sudoku fest.

at 4:40, we were standing out at the bus stop, hoping hoping hoping that a bus would show up as we were supposed to meet people in rothenburg at 6pm. lo and behold -a bus rolled up at 4:50 and we were overjoyed to see "rothenburg" across the front. 70 minutes later we were craning our heads out the windows of the bus and squinting to read signs in the dark so we could figure out where we are. after much frustration at lack of lights, we found out we were in rothenburg and decided to get off at the next stop. it was 6:05 when the bus pulled up at the rothenburg station (and we saw a train just leaving for the station we took the bus from...what??!) we hurried outside and looked around for james, who was supposed to meet us at 6pm. after a few minutes we found him and he was super nice about us being late, and very understanding about the trains. it turned out he works in ansbach where we just spent the last 3 hours of our lives, and had to drive out of his way to pick us up in rothenburg. isn't it ironic? (a little too ironic, i really do think).

so what was going to be a 2 hour morning/early afternoon train ride and then day spent in rothenburg turned out to be 2 hours on the train, 3 hours waiting at train stations, and another hour on the bus. good times.

like i said, travel happens. you scheme and plan, but half the time all you can do is cross your fingers and hope you get there within the month. i'm not good at that -i like to know. but i also like to travel -and this is what traveling is -it just happens.

europe: munich beginnings

2009-01-21T15:36:00.002-08:00

update from munich: we thought we were going to have internet at our hostel, but when we got here 2 nights ago, the wireless wouldn't connect because we use firefox. ha. anyway, we just tried it again this morning, and lo and behold, it works!! so we've been in munich for 2 nights now. we went on a city tour yesterday and walked all over in the pouring rain-trying-to-be-snow-but-was-mostly-slush. lovely. today looks about the same. we're planning on taking the train to neuschwanstein castle today, then we'll be back here for the night. look on facebook for pictures, coming soon!

europe: vienna

2009-01-21T15:36:00.001-08:00

greetings from munich. well actually i'm writing this on the train from salzburg, but by the time i send it i'll be in munich. unfortunately, they don't have internet on trains yet, but that's probably next.

it's been a few days since i wrote, and lots and lots has happened since then. lizzie and i spent two days in krakow, poland (i've been trying and trying to pronounce it correctly, but i can't get it) this last thursday and friday (i won't tell you how long it just took me to figure out what days those were). on thursday we walked all over the city and saw wawel castle, st. mary's basilica, and the old town square (which reminded us a lot of st. marcs square in venice). it's a beautiful city.

then on friday we visited an anything-but-beautiful place -auschwitz-birkenhau. this was the largest concentration camp run by the nazis during ww2 and is about an hour and a half from krakow. birkenhau was the main camp where thousands of polish, hungarian, austrian, german, czech, etc. jews were sent to be dealt with. it was quite a sobering experience -seeing the barracks, work places, gas chambers and crematoriums where literally millions of lives were destroyed. one really interesting thing (that i hadn't seen at dachau) was a section of the museum telling the stories of local polish families who were dedicated to helping camp victims in any way they could. one older couple even adopted a 5 year old boy whom they were able to rescue from the camp. i was reminded that there are light and hope even in the darkest of places.

on friday night we took a night train (our first this trip!) to vienna (wien, as they say). two girls who were also backpacking were so nice as to wake us up in the middle of the night to tell us we needed to switch trains, and we found ourselves in the lovely, very cold city of vienna at 6:15 saturday morning. we spent the day seeing the sights (trying to stay warm AND see the city by riding trams all over and later sitting in starbucks as long as our shared latte would let us). vienna is gorgeous and i felt the need to be a bit more posh in order to fit in, but that's ok.

late saturday afternoon we took the train to graz where my grandma has friends who were so wonderful as to have us over. the koidl family home was everything two wanderers could have dreamed of -great company, delicious food (we had schnitzel twice!!), a warm bed, etc. etc. etc. we went to church with the family on sunday (the english translation service was most excellent and they sang "i'm trading my sorrows" in english! lizzie and i have both decided we want to learn german and worship songs seem to be a great way to start) that afternoon, elizabeth (mrs. koidl) gave us a tour of graz. a beautiful city that has a seems to have found the balance between traditional and modern. we played games with the family that night (a highlight for lizzie and me) and and stayed up too late drinking tea. it was a wonderful time.

we were up early this morning (monday), and georg (mr. koidl) took us to the station where we got the train back to vienna. today was not nearly so cold, so we had a much better time galavanting around the city. we went to the belvedere palace, karlschiche (st. charles church) and schonburnn palace (where we were very excited to see the labyrinth, but found it's closed nov. - march! one of the downfalls of traveling during the low season). we were very impressed with the palace grounds and decided we need to watch pride and prejudice again asap.

we had planned on catching a train straight to munich from vienna, but after several little frustrating events added up into missing our train, we ended up catching a different train to salzburg and getting on a train to munich from there. having eurrail passes is nicer than ever when things don't go as planned -which they often don't -you just make some adjustments and wallah! all is good again.

i'm constantly reminded of God's hand holding us every step of the way...people who've never met us before treating us like family, train times working out in spite of spoiled plans, warm train cars to sleep in, etc. etc. thank you so much for your prayers -it's so wonderful to know we're loved even far away. coming next -munich. maybe i'll figure out why it sounds like munchkin in german (munchen) and if there's any correlation to the popular term of endearment. =) danka shu und al vede zaine!

europe: krakow edition

2009-01-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

here's the next part of our adventure. first of all, we're safely in krakow, poland. we're staying at a hostel where we accidentally booked only tomorrow night instead of tonight, because we were off a day in our dates. oops. fortunately they had space available and we are able to stay here despite our confused traveling dates.

some of you already know, but we got another surprise this morning. yesterday when elizabeth's purse was stolen, i had immediately gone through my stuff to check if anything of mine had been lost. i had thought i found the envelope with half of my money in it (i had my money split up in two places, this was one of them), and thought i was only missing my camera. but this morning i realized my money was gone as well. so the guy made off with both of our money and both our cameras, along with elizabeth's passport, credit cards, ipod, etc. anyway, that was a bit of a shock. at that point we were ready to call our trip off and come home, but we got on the train to poland as planned, just taking one thing at a time.

while on the train, we were both stressing out, of course...trying to figure out what in the world to do. both of us are planners and worriers, so we decided to write numbers/dates/etc. out and see what we could figure out. we ended up coming up with a budget (made up of other half of my money which we still have). we figured out that we can do the next 17 days through to paris, using our 15 day eurrail passes, with a budget of 45 euros a day (for both of us). it seems very doable. we were just looking at some exchange rates online, and it looks like we might have even more than that if the euro/won/dollar exchange rate is as good as google says it is (which seems to differ when we go to money exchange places, ha).

when i got online tonight, i literally had dozens of emails from family/friends/people i don't even know from all over europe offering to help us in any way they could. it's amazing and overwhelming. so no matter what happens, God is here and somehow we're seeing Him more now that our plans are not going according to schedule. funny how that happens.

oh, good news!! we got up at 6:30 this morning and were at the US embassy by 8:30 to get lizzie an emergency passport. everything was fine (excpet we had to go get new passport photos since the ones we had done were .2 cm. too small, ha). so elizabeth has a passport and we could leave prague! yay!

for now, we're in krakow tonight and tomorrow and then we'll take a night train (cutting down on lodging costs!) to vienna on the 17th. then we'll see from there.

more updates to come as they happen....thank you all so much for your prayers and offers to help, etc. you are amazing and we've been blessed.

the europe chronicles -prague 3, poorer and wiser

2009-01-13T11:49:00.000-08:00

so, as you've heard, we had a bit of a mishap here in prague this morning with elizabeth's purse (with passport, 1000 euros, credit cards, camera, ipod, etc.) being stolen. we spent the day going to police stations, getting sent to other police stations, finding the US embassy only to find it closed, hanging out in a police station waiting room for hours along with everyone else who got mugged in prague today. it was a bit of a damper day, compared to what we were planning on doing -exploring the jewish quarter. but plans change. at this point, we're planning on going on with the trip, we'll just have half the budget we planned on. so we'll see how that goes. our biggest worries are paris and london and the rest of england where it will be more expensive for lodging. other than that, we'll cut out more expensive tours and live on oatmeal and spaghetti. ha. thank you for your prayers! lots of reminders that we are not the ones in control...and life goes on without pictures of prague (both our cameras were stolen and we hadn't downloaded the pics off them yet).

the europe chronicles -prague 2, mishap

2009-01-13T11:47:00.000-08:00

elizabeth's purse was just stolen out of our hostel room. a guy came in late last night (after we were asleep) and slept in the bunk down from us. he was still asleep this morning. elizabeth and i and the other girls staying here were in and out of the room this morning, while he continued to sleep. then we went across the hall to the kitchen to eat breakfast, came back a couple minutes later and he was gone and her purse was gone. we searched the room and it's not anywhere. i went down to the street to check just in case, but didn't see anything. we talked to the lady in the office and she has no record of anyone checking in last night or leaving this morning. she told us where the police station and us embassy are, and we're going to go make a report, but i doubt there's much they can do. i have a copy of elizabeth's passport, but that's all. please pray for us..jayne (who is online) just got ahold of elizabeth's dad and he's going to cancel her credit cards, etc. there was over 1000 euros in lizzie's purse, all our money for until we got to england. i have quite a bit of won, but all her money is gone. we were planning on going to krakow tomorrow, but we'll see how things work out.

the europe chronicles -prague 1

2009-01-13T11:46:00.000-08:00

i should know how to say "hello" in czech by now, but i'm not that good. i'll listen more closely tomorrow. so we're here in prague. today we slept in (didn't go to sleep till late last night since we had slept on the train coming from berlin). we ate oatmeal and granola bars for breakfast and then set out, maps in hand, for old town square. it wasn't far from our hostel, which was really nice. all of prague that i've seen so far is beautiful -but the old part of town is gorgeous with all its ornate buildings and cobblestone streets. we saw the astronomical clock and tyn church (which was closed today, so we'll have to go tomorrow), we walked through the old square market, and took picture after picture. we walked across the charles bridge and up steep, narrow streets to prague castle. we got there about an hour and a half before they closed, so we just did the short tour of the castle. we went through vitis cathedral (from the 1300's, where st. wenceslas is buried) and st. george's basilica, and walked down golden lane (where all the goldsmiths who worked for the king were at), and went in a tortue tower (ahhhh!). we probably could have spent a bit more time with our audio guides, but we felt good about it. it's FREEZING here!!! that's not understated at all. elizabeth and i wore lots of layers and wrapped our scarfs around our faces and wore big hats and gloves and it was still the coldest we've ever been. but we were outside all day, so that doesn't make things easier. we walked quickly and tried to stay distracted by the sights. we got back to our hostel about 5:30, made tea to help us thaw out, laid down to rest for a minute, and then ended up sleeping for nearly 3 hours. guess we were tired. we went out at about 8 and found stuff for spaghetti at a nearby mini-market...made dinner...planned out some budgeting stuff...and now we're about ready for bed. i'm so thankful for a place to sleep where it's nice and warm! this hostel is perfect for what we need -all the basics, a kitchen, and cheap!

the europe chronicles -berlin

2009-01-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

guess where we went last night!! jayne told us she had a surprise for us and didn't tell us what it was until we were standing across the street -she took us to see the nutcracker ballet at the state opera house here in berlin!! it was amazing. i kept thinking katie and carrie would be so jealous. the opera house was gorgeous and they did the entire ballet, of course...probably nearly 3 hours. the story was a little different though -began with a flaskback to marie (clara) being kidnapped during the revolution. then she is adopted and during the rest of the play she is the kind of "shunned" sister. anyway, i'll have to look up the story and actually read it in english. jayne translated the german from the program.

today we walked all over...mostly east berlin. we went to the reichstag building (old parlamont), and then we were really cold from walking around, so we went to starbucks and hung out for a good little while and got all warmed up. that was like perfect. then we braced ourselves and went back out and jayne took us to a bunch of cool places. we went to the holocaust memorial which is about the size of a block and covered with grave shaped stones of all different heights. (we very inappropriately decided it would be the perfect place to play hide and seek). then we walked through "the topography of terror" which is the longest preserved portion of the berlin wall. very cool to actually see. then we walked around through beautiful squares (platzes) and eventually came to "checkpoint charlie" which is where the allies made set up camp. (my information is probably not all there, and i don't have time to really elaborate, so give me) lots of grace =)).

now we're back at the hostel in the warm and we're thinking about eating, i think. the hostel is super nice and we have a 4 bed room in which we are the only three, as of now. last night i got to sleep on a super high bunk bed. that was exciting. i'm quickly using my precious internet time, so i'm going to get off and save some for later.

but we're here and it's wonderful. jayne will be with us until sunday, then we'll be on our own. kind of scary. but it will be a grand adventure, i'm sure.

2009-01-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

elizabeth, jayne and i went to the jewish museum in berlin today, and all i can say is you need to go. i can't give any justice to a description of the museum -what it looked like -all i can do is try and tell you how it felt. the museum is housed in a grey squarish building with jagged slits placed randomly on all sides. my first impression was a building that had been cut apart, mangled, burned, left for dead -then later found, piece by piece, and put back together. the parts belong, but they don't fit the way they should. the sight is eerie and uneasy, appropriately.

you walk in on the first floor and are instantly struck with the feeling that things aren't right -and they aren't. the floors are sloped, the walls are dead white, the hallways jag out at uneven points, and there is nothing giving order to the way you should go. there are three hallways -the axle of exile and the axle of continuity run parallel and then the axle of the holocaust cuts through them with no regard for either. it was disorienting, confusing, uncomfortable, scary, and anything but numb. i kept looking behind me and searching for elizabeth and jayne because i felt like i was lost and i needed constant reassurance that i was not alone.

the only things on the white walls are black windows telling stories of men, women, and children affected by the holocaust. parents who sent their children to countries ahead of them, planning to join them soon, only to be arrested before they could leave germany. husbands and fathers taken before they could help their families to safety. postcards from mothers in concentration camps assuring their children not to worry -things are not as bad as they seem. letters urging friends and family to "keep your chin up," "God is near."

at one end of the axle of the holocaust is the holocaust tower. it's a huge stone cave type tower with only a slash in the top that lets in the tiniest bit of light. the first time i walked in the huge metal door, i turned around and walked right back out. there was no one else in the room, and i was literally blasted with the darkness, the cold, the vast emptiness and yet almost solid mass of despair. i couldn't do it. and victims of the holocaust couldn't either -but they had no choice. it's something no one should ever experience -it's the epitome of loneliness and the opposite of how humans are made to thrive. i went in again later with jayne and elizabeth, but still couldn't handle it for more than a few seconds. it was so real.

when leaving the first floor, the stairs stretch on and on and continue into the wall at the top. leading nowhere. the next floors documented jewish history from day one to the present, it was beautifully done, well arranged, and full of information, but the first floor is what makes it real. i can't describe it, -i felt so helpless and small. and yet it made me more resolved to live in a way that demonstrates the immense respect and love i believe each person deserves and is created to experience.

the world is not right. it's not right at all. i'm reminded of this daily -when i see a homeless person on the street or a parent screaming at an obstinate child on the subway. sometimes i wonder if it's good to be so aware -if a passive optimism isn't just as effective or even better than a deep sorrow at what i see behind pasted smiles. at this point, i can't go back, so i have no choice. but what i do have is a hope that dives down deeper each time i see joy behind tears.

2009-01-01T00:57:00.001-08:00

a few resolutions for the new year:

-do something scary/uncomfortable everyday
-say "i love you" more
-hug more
-floss
-write/talk to God everyday
-read at least one "literary classic" per month
-learn one piano piece a month
-study a language -either french or german
-study for and take the GRE
-write a "real" letter once a week

that's enough, i think. even if i don't carry them out to a tee, it's more a matter of being aware of where i'm coming from and where i'm going. here's to 2009!!

2008-12-30T01:11:00.000-08:00

you know those kernels of corn that are left at the bottom of the popcorn popper after all the rest have popped? those 7 kernels that swirl around and around and around and are still circling aimlessly hours after the other 335 have jumped from the popper and made their home in the bowl awaiting outside? i've always felt sorry for them. i remember watching them spin as a kid, always hoping that one more would make it out before dad flipped the switch. i still leave the popper on minutes after i know it's a hopeless case, wishing to be proven wrong by that "POP" of one more kernel.

i mean, who wants to remain a tiny brown kernel when they could turn into beautiful white fluffiness? i don't know firsthand, since i've never been or even talked to a popcorn kernel, but i'm pretty sure that sitting at the bottom of a popper time after time until someone decides to empty it into the garbage isn't every popcorn kernel's dream. when it is finally their turn to leave the mound of other kernels to actually enter the popper, i imagine they expect great things. and after making it in, they spin with everyone else -as fast as they can, waiting for the second they will make their great jump into the bowl. how disappointing it must be for those who never make it?? they must feel like something's wrong with them. that they didn't try hard enough. that their chance to shine (in this case, pop) is gone.

ok, i think i've taken this far enough. now you know the thoughts that wander through my head while i'm making a snack to go with my movie. until next time's deep thoughts involving food -i'm signing out.

2008-12-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

don't surrender your loneliness
so quickly.
let it cut more deep.

let it ferment and season you
as few human
or divine ingredients can.

something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft,
my voice
so tender,

my need of God
absolutely
clear.

(shams-al-din hafiz, 12th c. persian poet)

there is much missing from my heart these days. elizabeth's hugs. jayne's faces. lucia's singing. mcdonalds in the morning on the way to an adventure. elizabeth tickling me. dancing with penguin class. singing "bye bye see you tomorrow." reading on elizabeth's bed. asking, "what day is it today?" dinner and cards at jayne's flat. elizabeth's voice. movies on don't go. jayne's cuddles. catch phrase. peanut butter cookies. ediya coffee on fridays. etc. etc.

there is also much that helps to fill in those holes. dutch blitz with my sisters. cribbage with rach. soren's singing. reading books to haddon. meeting nate's girlfriend. mom's amazing cooking. dad's insights. uno with ben. editing kaleb's papers. "hammock talks" with rach. singing and cuddling with my sisters. piano playing. my own bed. vanilla lattes with poppa chuck. rock band with the girls. etc. etc.

but the holes are still there. i sit here on my comfy bed in a house full of love and warmth and still miss the hard beds and heated floors of korea. i don't enjoy loneliness. but i want to be soft, tender, deep, in my need for God and people. toward that end, perhaps i'm in a good place. right now it feels a bit like i'm putting on band aid after band aid in vain trying to stop gushing blood. i know the holes will eventually get smaller. and smaller. but here's the thing -part of me doesn't want them to. what do i do with that?

2008-11-13T05:59:00.000-08:00

i don't do goodbyes. i just don't. i think one thing that really points to there being more besides this life here and now, is how temporary things in this world are, and how eternal we as humans are built. we're not made to say goodbye. it's not a natural thing. we crave stability and permanence and security and routine (elizabeth keeps throwing them out and they're right on the money, so i'm putting them down). we also crave adventure and change at times, but i think these are more fleeting pursuits and after chasing them for awhile, we revert back to the longing for stability. in a perfect world, there would be no goodbyes. but i hate to break it to you, this is not a perfect world. and goodbyes come with the territory -that doesn't mean i like them though. every bone in my body screams at me that this is not fair! this is not the way it's supposed to be. and it's true, it's not. i don't do goodbyes.

(i don't think this thought process is finished, but i'm done for now).

2008-10-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

how are you supposed to hug a child you've hugged everyday for the past year for the last time? what are you supposed to say to a 5 year old girl who, when you say that you're leaving, says, "but teacha, i'm sad?" how are you supposed to look into the overflowing eyes of a child and say "i'll see you again," knowing you most likely won't? what do you do when your boss stays out of the teacher's room all day because she starts bawling every time she sees you? what do you say to a child who says, "but why teacha? don't you love us?" how do you eat with friends with whom you've shared most every meal over the last year for the last time? how do you hold a friend whose arms have been the things holding you together, and know it will be a very long time before you hold them again? how do you watch your kids smile and wave to another teacher? how do you let go of a child who won't let go of you? how do you smile and say everything will be ok with tears streaming down your face?

how do you say goodbye?
how do you hug for the last time?
what do you say when you know you probably won't meet again in this life?
how do you deal with being replaced?
how do you live without people who have been your life?

i have no idea and i don't want to know, because it feels incredibly wrong. but it's happening.

2008-09-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

pain is a weird thing. we go to drastic measures to avoid it, we usually do our best to keep from causing it, and we still find ourselves suffering from it daily and hurling it at those closest to us over and over again.

it's kind of funny to me how we go through life trying not to step on people's toes -whether it's the person in front of you in line at the grocery store or your best friend -in general, we try not to hurt people. one of the first things we learn as kids is not to hit other kids. as we get older, we find out we're capable of more -teeth leave a pretty good mark and knuckles can leave an eye black and blue for days. but there's another kind of pain we're capable of inflicting. "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." i'm not sure how long the gap is between when we learn that rhyme and when we learn that it's a lie. but it seems that not long after we're running to mom with, "he pushed me," we're going with, "she called me a toadface." (i made that one up).

i don't think it's funny that we try to avoid hurting each other. but i've been thinking -how much pain and hurt is actually unavoidable? inevitably, we're going to hurt each other. and is it such a bad thing? sometimes, yes. but hurt also brings growth. and pain reveals depth.

i'm not saying i think we should go out of our way to hurt people. but i don't know if avoiding pain should be our main concern. if we truly care about someone, we want to see them grow and become the person they are meant to be. a painless existence doesn't bring this about. this year especially, i've realized that my closest relationships aren't those i tiptoe through leaving a trail of flowers and candy. they are the ones i stumble into, fall over in, get back up again in, trudge through, skip through, fall over again in, and end up leaving mostly mud mixed with tea and bits of chocolate (on a good day). these lines made me think:

this is how it works:
you're young until you're not,
you love until you don't,
you try until you can't,
you laugh until you cry,
you cry until you laugh.
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some
someone elses' heart,
pumping someone elses' blood
and walking arm in arm
you hope it don't get harmed,
but even if it does
you'll just do it all again.
(regina spektor, "on the radio")

we're not going to avoid hurting each other no matter how hard we try. intimacy means vulnerability and being willing to let someone close enough to hurt you. you can't keep at a distance from people just because you're afraid of hurting them, or vise-versa. true, there will be relationships where the pain you cause each other will not match the joy you receive. and there may even be times when you don't even grow from the hurt, so really they haven't benefited you at all. but i'm convinced it's not a waste. every relationship is bound to teach us something -about ourselves, about each other, about the world, etc.

i don't want medication,
just give me liberation,
even if it cuts the legs right out from under me.
don't give me medication,
i want the real sensation,
even when living feels just like death to me.
(derek webb, "medication")

i don't know about you -but without pain, i become numb. when things are going really well, i start to lose feeling and eventually i lose touch with what it means to be human. being alive doesn't mean always being well. either that, or being well doesn't mean enjoying a peaceful, joyful existence ALL the time. sometimes, we're going to hurt. sometimes we're going to hurt so bad we just want to stop feeling altogether. but that wouldn't be living. we all know that without pain, we can't know joy. it's the same in relationships. without letting ourselves be hurt, and allowing ourselves to even hurt others at times, we can't know the joy buried behind the pain. i wonder how it would be if instead of watching out for each others' toes, we were looking into each others' eyes, returning their smiles, exchanging words that cut through all the superficial hogwash and get to the heart.

i just wonder what it would be like if pain wasn't our worst fear.

2008-09-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

all these dates have been bouncing around crazily in my head, so i'm going to write them out in an orderly fashion in an attempt to ease my brain.

oct. 31 -last day of work
nov. 2 -leave for beijing
nov. 6 -leave beijing for bangkok
nov. 10 -leave bangkok for one of thailand's islands
nov. 17 -leave bangkok for home (bangkok - seoul, then seoul - seattle)
nov. 18 -HOME

then i'll be spending the next month and a half at home (and in places nearby) being with everyone i've missed over the last year.

jan. 4 -europe with lizzie (we'll be backpacking around germany, prague, switzerland, austria, france, england, ireland)
feb. 11 -home again home again

after that -your guess is as good as mine. i'll be living somewhere with someone working at some place. at the moment, ideas include puyallup, portland and bellingham. but we'll see.

yesterday one of my girls pointed to my arm and said, "teacha, you have white fur. and i have black fur." =) soooo funny. i'm going to miss my kids immensely.

2008-09-23T02:31:00.000-07:00

last weekend was chusek (thanksgiving) here in korea, and due to this lovely holiday, we got monday off school. we were determined to make the most of this 3 day weekend so we (actually jayne) rented a car (complete with a navigator), packed it full of stuff (mostly bedding), made a stop at costco for snacks and drinks, and headed north. it was our first camping trip of the summer -our first time being surrounded by hills and trees, laying out on the sand, roasting hot dogs over the fire (actually a grill), swimming in open waters...but it wasn't our first time getting sunburnt and mosquito bitten. and it certainly wasn't the first time elizabeth, jayne and i have spent wonderful hours on end together.

like i said, we brought lots of bedding.

our lovely campsite on the beach -talk about riverfront property.

note our use of chopsticks as skewers. brilliant, eh? also note my position -i've got the asian squat down pat.

our own secluded beach.

waking up to hot chocolate, oatmeal, and sunshine. what more could one want?

we moved to the shade after getting burnt to a crisp.

monday morning came and we weren't near ready to leave.

but we had a visit from a korean soldier (while we were making eggs for breakfast) who informed us that our lovely beach was scattered with land mines, (apparently we were a little too close to the north korean border) so we had to make our exit. he was super nice and even helped us carry all our stuff up to the car.

how were we supposed to know it was a "warning: danger" sign rather than a "welcome: lovely beach" sign? whoops.

all in all it was a most wonderful weekend. you never know what to expect on adventures like these -but think how boring it would be without things like visits from korean soldiers. the countdown continues with only about a month til we're done! thinking about all that has to happen between now and then is crazy overwhelming, so i'm consciously choosing to fill my mind with other things. i'm excited x100 to come home and be with everyone i've missed for the last 11 months. but i'm also terribly sad at the thought of leaving behind the kids and friends that have been my life for the last year. i guess that's life as we know it -bittersweet.

2008-08-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

i've meant to put pictures up for the last several months...so here goes.

rachel and nate and lizzie's brother, matt, came to visit in june!

best friends reunited.

getting thrown in the river at the korean folk village.

a day at everland! the happiest place in korea.

jump!!

rach and i outside "our houses" at cheongdeok-gung palace.

a day at caribbean bay.

making spider hats in class! they loved it!

4th of july party! we had a little too much fun planning/making food...we were eating leftovers for weeks.

at a mud festival! this is before we got to the mud part...

and this is after!

happy happy playing in the mud. i felt like i was about 9.

we played in the ocean for hours. later we found out the obnoxious screaming sound from the shore was a tsunami warning. oh right!

home for a quick week at the end of july!!

this is happiness.

the whole family went for a day to silverwood. fun fun!

i'm very white. either that, or carrie's very tan.

cool sisters with cool bags and cool shirts and cool hats.

fun with the little boys.

haddon boy.

at the dmz between south and north korea. at this moment, we're in north korea! ahhh!

lizzie makes friends with a soldier.

making play dough with our kids! they thought it was the greatest thing ever.

our first barbecue of the summer! on a sidewalk out behind lizzie's house. (after we got kicked out of the public courtyard we started out in).

jayne's amazing kebabs!

going river rafting!

fun on the boat! the river was really high because of the "chinese rain." (china seeded the air so it would rain and clean out their air for the olympics, so south korea got torrential rain for a couple of days. thanks china!)

after the ride -we made it alive and, apart from a bruised chin and cut toe, well.

sunday afternoon tea. (once again, we had too much fun planning/making things and ended up with enough treats for at least another 30 people).

well there you have it. my last 3 months in pictures. this is our first summer as "adults" with real jobs that go right through the summer, but we've managed to act like kids the majority of the time. =) we're at 2 months and counting!! october 29th will be a sad, sad day. yesterday was my last day with one of my classes because jayne is taking over and i'm getting a new class, and apparently 3 of my girls cried all during their next class after they found out. aww. mostly, they are 1st graders who cry at anything, but it's nice to know you're loved.

that's all i've got for now. peace and joy from my side of the world to yours.

2008-08-07T03:54:00.000-07:00

i just sat on "don't go" (my lovely green couch) for a couple hours and wrote letters. yes, real letters, with a pen and paper and everything. there is something wonderful about writing on a physical piece of paper to someone. don't get me wrong, i find email as amazing and necessary as the next person, but i think letters are far superior in every way.

before my writing spree, i finished a book -"song of solomon," by toni morrison. amazing, but disturbing and a bit depressing (for starters, the book begins and ends with suicide). but this is no surprise with morrison. i can't say i liked it as much as her others, but i think i need to give it some time. i love it when novels are so wrapped up in culture and history and family that they can't help but hit home as if you were reading your own grandmother's diary. i'm not a stickler for realism in art, i believe it's definitely a place where fantasy and idealism should be welcomed because sometimes it's one of the only places we can find that kind of hopeful optimism, but i certainly appreciate art that reflects reality in all its raw beauty.

just a few days ago i got back from a most wonderful week at home. it was a piece of peach pie after months of bran muffins. in other words, it was amazing. pictures to follow. peace.

2008-07-17T02:58:00.000-07:00

here are a couple of videos of my kids for your enjoyment. i've been thinking about how much i'm going to miss them lately...which has brought out the camera in hopes of saving their sweet faces in my memory for posterity.

this first one is of my kittens -one of my kindy classes. they love to sing during art and this particular song, "how many buses," is played over and over at their request.

this one is one of my elementary classes -which i affectionately refer to as my angel/devil class -having fun introducing each other. they are little angels...but can quickly turn on you if you're not careful.

here's a thought from what i've been reading:
"in varenka [a girl who lives entirely for others] she saw that it was only necessary to forget oneself and to love others in order to be at peace, happy, and lovely. and such a person kitty wished to be."
-tolstoy, anna karenina

2008-07-03T04:01:00.001-07:00

i really need to start telling more of the stories of everyday life here in korea. so here's a start.

every time i go to the grocery store, the lady asks me (in korean, of course) if i want a bag, and since i'm normally only buying a couple of things (namely milk and eggs), i've gotten used to saying aniyo(no) without really thinking. but last night on our way home from school, our list was a bit longer and included 2 big bags of potatoes. i absentmindedly told the lady i didn't want a bag, she looked at the amount of things we were buying, looked at elizabeth, and proceeded to load the groceries into elizabeth's arms. elizabeth panicked at first because she really didn't think it was all going to fit -but apparently that lady knew what she was doing because it stacked up just fine, thought a bit precarious! it wasn't as funny for lizzie, but i sure enjoyed it.

then yesterday when i was walking to the subway, i ran into (quite literally) one of my girls from school in an alley. i found out that she lives hardly a block from me. she was playing soccer with her brother and cousin and when i tapped her on the shoulder, she turned and gave me this huge smile -"hello teacher!" she was so excited to introduce her brother and cousin and it was really fun to see the neighbors watching us amazed as donna burst out in english like she owned the language.

one more story. so later that day i was at the foreign food mart. i had been standing in line for a while and i was a bit frustrated because the guy at the counter was helping a man who'd just walked in before those of us waiting in line. when it was my turn, i laid out my items on the counter and instead of adding them up, the guy turned around to look for something on a shelf. after a minute, he turned around with a capri sun juice drink in his hand and stood there putting the straw into the drink. seriously -he thought this was a good time for a snack break? ok, i was annoyed. but that's as far as it got. after poking the straw into the drink, he handed it to me and said, "try this." i was floored. here i was was getting mad over having to wait an extra 2 minutes to be helped, and he was just smiling and treating me like a friend. i walked out with my drink wanting to be more like that man behind the counter.

2008-06-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

i just finished my first real "teen drama" novel. i missed the whole teen genre boat when i skipped from the "anastasia krupnik" series and "the boxcar children" mysteries to "lord of the rings" and "jayne eyre." and since then, my ever-growing reading list (mostly made up of classics) has kept me from being on board with any current bestsellers. after finally reading the harry potter books over the last few months and hearing stories from lizzie about how intensely exciting it was to be reading them, along with the rest of the world, when they came out, i decided i wanted to know what that was like. so when the "twilight" series started popping up all over the internet and what not, they caught elizabeth's and my attention and i decided this was my big chance to be in on the current excitement. the package from amazon finally got here during lunch last week and i tore into it and started the first book as my kids were finishing eating.

i have to say i'm a bit disappointed. but i'm not sure what i was expecting...i knew they were popular with teens...i knew all the characters were in high school...i knew the main character was a vampire. it's not that it was bad -i'm just used to more. it's just that i didn't believe this book. i didn't really care what happened to bella and i didn't feel like my life would end if bella and edward weren't able to break through the human-vampire blockades and be together forever. i don't think it's just that this is more sci-fi/fantasy than i'm used to...i was completely swept into harry potter's world of witches and dragons, no matter how fantastical. i cared whether hermione and ron were on speaking terms, i cried for dumbledore, and i debated extensively in my head over whether snape was good or bad, feeling that it was terribly important. this is what i'm used to -i'm used to being invested in what i read -being unable to tear myself away from the character's situations, agonizing over their happiness, and feeling like i've lost a significant relationship when i finish the last page.

oh i do love books. just writing that makes me want to be reading "anna karenina" right now. i have the next two books in the "twilight" series sitting on my shelf...but i feel no need...this is nothing like finishing the 6th harry book and rushing off to itaewon to find the 7th. ironic. i kind of feel like i should finish what i started, though, eventually. maybe when my reading list runs out? uhm, i don't think i'll ever see that day. i would like to be on the bandwagon when the next harry potter comes around, though...so if you're on it, please tell me and maybe i'll join you for a detour. until then, i'm sticking to my list. there's a reason they're called classics.

2008-06-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

it's been entirely too long since i wrote...what can i say? i've been busy? yes, but no, that's not it. i'm not sure what it is. but a letter from my gramma reminded that people actually read this, and where there are people involved, i aim to please. haha. actually, that's not why i write at all...probably the furthest from it...i definitely write because i like it. selfish, i know.

so much has happened!! i don't know where to start. i finished the harry potter books...we went to a lantern festival...we made pottery...lizzie and i made shepherds pie in the toaster oven...jayne and i went to busan...we got a new little girl named swan at school...rach and nate came to visit...i had my first cinnamon roll in 7 months (incredible)...lizzie's brother, matt, came to visit...we went to the korean folk village and left our mark...we went to a nareebong (kareoke room) and us girls wore the shortest skirts you'll ever see me in...the new coldplay album came out...we went to everland, the happiest place in korea (think disneyland)...we had a 70's party...we got a couch!!...rach and i found out that although store front windows make it seem like there is a massive excess of cute clothes here in seoul, there are actually only a few pieces worth buying...i got very used to having a roommate...lizzie and matt discovered japan...jon foreman finally brought summer 'round...after one more vanilla latte, i dropped rach off at the subway...matt is on his way to the airport as i write...and lizzie and i have empty houses once again. to be quite honest, this is the closest thing i've ever felt to abandonment. ironic, because i'm the one who left home in the first place. it still doesn't feel right that your mom, best friend, brother should leave you behind in korea.

only 4 more months though!! (as of july 1). and those 4 months are going to be filled with wonderfulness -a waterpark, a mud festival, a WEEK LONG TRIP HOME!!!, a dmz tour, going up down escalators, etc. etc.

since i'm so behind, i thought i would post a bit each day...rather than submerge you head first. so here are some pictures and stories from may.

just one of the many kinds of lanterns we saw at the buddhist lantern festival in downtown seoul.

lizzie and i got our very own lanterns! mine was compliments of a nice old man and lizzie's was compliments of the side of the street.

a stop at baskin robbins was a must afterward...we missed mom's alien. (our favorite kind of ice cream here in korea).

we went to the science museum and got to make pottery!

spending some time with trent.

the sun, coffee, falafel, and good friends make for a wonderful afternoon.

jayne and i get out of the city and spend the day in busan (a coastal city south of seoul) with cindy and big tiger (our bosses).

jayne and cindy attempt the "titanic pose" (we're still not really sure what exactly that is...)

ice cream on the boat ride!

jayne and i soon decided the top of the boat was much more exciting...these are the "5, maybe 6 islands" (yes, that's the real name).

we try the titanic pose again...

ahhhhhh...the sweet taste of freedom (or something like that).

cindy and i at a buddhist temple right on the coast.

cindy and big tiger. awww...how cute.

making chinese lanterns with piglet class. fun times.

well that catches me up through may. however, it's almost july so there is much much more to come! stay tuned. peace.

2008-05-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

i don't remember an exact time, or even the year really, but at some point, i stopped holding hands. i remember holding hands with my dad, mom, grandparents, girlfriends, babysitters, even my brother -and then i remember not doing it anymore. i didn't naturally go for my parent's hand when crossing the street, i could walk without my grandpa's hand guiding me, and i didn't feel like my best friend and i had to be connected at the hip [hand]. but i watch my little kindies walk down the hallways at school, and they're all holding hands (ok, mostly the girls, but sometimes the boys, too. and you can bet that they'll leave school holding their mom's hand). so i started wondering...what happened? i don't think it was a conscious decision i made to stop holding my dad's hand in the parking lot. it just kind of happened. and from what i can tell, it just kind of happens to everyone. but why? why do we all of a sudden feel the need to show our independence? what's so great about independence? i have to say i prefer security. there's enough in the world to make us scared and insecure -why does a counteract like hand holding have to be taken from us in the midst of that?

when i was 11, i got my own room (another "sign of independence" i'm not sure is so great) and my grandpa gave me 2 pictures to hang on my empty new walls. one was a girl walking on the beach picking up seashells. this little girl is the only one in the picture, but it never bothered me because i knew her dad was the one taking the picture (yes, it was a painting, but that didn't matter in my head). this painting later inspired a bit of lyrics for a song i never finished..."little girl, walking through the sand...tightly holding on to her daddy's hand...the waves come crashing in, but she just skips and grins...daddy's there and there's not a care in the world..." the other picture my grandpa gave me was robert fulghum's "all i really need to know i learned in kindergarten." i remember laying in bed reading it over and over...especially the last line, "and it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together." i agree.

here in korea, people like to walk arm in arm. when lizzie and i first got here, we kind of laughed and joked about popping our space bubbles. but we've found it's actually really natural and just plain nice. touch is an amazing thing -and i think hands can be used for more than just swinging at our sides. of course we don't have to walk around holding hands all the time -but it's a simple gesture that says -i need you, and you need me. we are not alone. we are not self-sustained. no matter where you go, i'll be here. when you get lost, i'll be there, too. when you get scared, i'll be there. it's just plain nice. and i think we could use more of that. don't worry, i'm not going to hold your hand everywhere i go from now on. but every now and then i might put my arm through yours and stay there for awhile. it just eases something inside and reminds me everything's ok. i surely won't mind if you do the same.

2008-05-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

i thought i'd give you a look into my last several weeks...picture style.

rachel comes to visit from japan and we show her all the korean hot spots. (this is just before the sunglass vendor came out to yell at us).

singing journey in na-ree-bongs (karaoke rooms) is a favorite pastime -"don't stop believing...hold on to that feeling..."

we went to the zoo!

lizzie's mom comes to visit for a week! friday coffee at ediya's is a must.

lovely cherry blossoms at gyeongbuk palace.

the beautiful mountains that we never see because of the pollution.

lizzie and i are silly (as usual) at the korean national folk museum.

working on our korean poses at the korean folk village.

my penguin class learns about the body hands on.

as teachers, lizzie and i always set an example of perfect maturity.

mom comes to visit!! and brings with her a ridiculous amount of wonderful things -including graham crackers, life cereal, chocolate chips, refried beans, applesauce...etc. etc.

mom joins us on our fieldtrip to the country.

lil' cindy lou who dares to touch the big white dog with her big, strong, loving teacher at her side. =)

starbucks in korea! we can read it!

mom finds a van just her size. she thought dad would get a kick out of this. =)

cindy takes us to a really cute restaurant with super comfy couches and the most delicious tea i've ever had.

mom tries bibinbap and is quick on her way to falling in love with korean food.

all us teachers with the april birthday kiddies. (apparently i'm the teacher most likely to be mistaken for a student).

samuel and kenneth are such peaceful boys.

mom puts her back into it at the korean folk village.

yay for cherry blossoms! and yay for moms!

mom decides it's time for a swim.

finally -a swing that's made for standing up on!

we're ready to explore changgyeong-gung palace, hoods and all!

a cool gate.

the famous "secret" garden.

one of my favorites.

an extremely old tree.

mom learned the ways of the subway quite quickly. (always carry a book and the end seats are most coveted).

mom at the ruins of persia. (aka the "golden persia" exhibit at the national museum of korea).

a fabulous game of masterpiece.

yes, that is a strawberry and yes, that is hummus on it. but no, it wasn't intentional. and yes, i did eat it.

mcmuffins cheer us up after saying goodbye to mom at the airport.

at this point, we're over halfway through the year! (excuse me while i dance around the floor a moment). spring is here and it's gorgeous! we plan on enjoying these couple months of warm weather before the intense heat comes and all we want to do is sit inside watching movies with the ac on. as you saw, april was mom month and it was wonderful. june will bring more visitors -my bf rachel and lizzie's brother, matt! yay!! if you want to join in on the fun, let me know and i'll put you down on the schedule. we have an inflatable sleeping pad and you'll be amazed at how comfy it is! not sold? i'll make you peanut butter cookies! chocolate chip? still not sold? i don't know what to do with you.

2008-04-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

my mom is coming today! no, i don't think you understand -my MOM is coming TODAY! as in only a few more hours!! if you know what this feels like, you're dancing around the room right now. yeah, it's ok, i didn't expect you to know. =)

2008-04-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

"she will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. then she will say, "i will go back to my husband as at first, for then i was better off than now." (hosea 2:7)

"come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds." (hosea 6:1)

say you're a seventeen year old girl who falls in love with the perfect guy. he's kind, funny, good looking, and he loves you more than anything. you're soon engaged and the summer after you graduate high school, you marry him. he's wonderful -all you could have hoped for and more. however, after a few months of marital bliss, you catch him snoring while you're sharing your heart late at night...he no longer kisses you before leaving for work...and he doesn't open the car door for you anymore. at first, you figure it must be normal and you don't worry about it. you act as happy as ever. but as the months go by, you begin to wonder if he would even notice if you weren't there when he got home from work one day. you begin to wonder if he would even miss you if you left. after much arguing and debating with yourself, you act against your better judgment and pack your suitcase and run away. but you don't run that far -only to the next town where you have a sister with a spare bedroom. he doesn't come after you. after a week, you run a little further -to a town where an old friend has an empty couch. he still doesn't come. after a few more weeks, you go even further to a city where you get a hotel room and a temp. job at a restaurant. no sign of him. finally, you move on to the big city where you rent an apartment and get a job as a secretary. several months later, you're still looking for him to pull up in front of your apartment. you're still checking the mailbox for a letter with his handwriting. nothing. you give up. ok, you'll be the one to go back. you'll admit all your mistakes, make everything right again. but were things ever actually right? no matter, someone has to make the first move. you drive and drive until you come to the house where he is out sitting on the front porch. you get your suitcase and walk slowly up the walkway.

"i'm sorry ron. but i'm back now."

"oh, were you gone?"

do you walk in, up the stairs, and unpack your suitcase? do you stay because you love this man? do you stay because you have nowhere else to go? or do you turn around and get back in your car, not knowing where you'll go, but sure that anything is better than his apathy?

sometimes you need someone to care enough to get mad -to shout at you, say you made him worry -be anything but apathetic. passion, even if it's angry, is feeling. and feeling is sometimes as close to real as we get.

2008-04-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

love is not convenient. it's not supposed to be -in fact, i'm becoming convinced that real love is all about inconvenience.

more on this to come later.

2008-04-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

a little while ago i decided i needed to bake something (sometimes i feel the need to "make" something...to use my hands rather than my head), so i asked elizabeth what i should make. i knew what she was going to say -and i was right -peanut butter cookies. more specifically, peanut butter cookies minis the eggs. so i mixed up the dough in a plastic bowl with a metal fork, plopped little balls onto the small pan, popped them in the toaster oven and turned the timer to 7 minutes. then i grabbed my book and sat down at my little kitchen table where i couldn't miss the aroma wafting from the oven. this worked great the first time -my nose told me the cookies were about done and sure enough, they were golden brown, then 2 seconds later the timer dinged. wallah! the second time, however, anne lamott apparently had not only my eyes wrapped up in her words, but my nose as well. i forgot to set the timer and by the time i thought about the cookies, there was smoke finding a way out from the rear of the oven. when i opened the oven door, it streamed out and fogged up my glasses so i couldn't see the very black blobs on the cookie sheet till several seconds later.

normally, i would be a bit put out by this. granted, i always burn cookies -it's a trademark of mine. but this didn't have to happen! 3 perfectly good cookies, gone to the drain (literally since cookies all but dissolve in water and it's much easier to dispose of them that way than put them in the special little green food waste bags we have to use here in seoul). anyway, i'd normally chide myself for being so careless and use my middle name for effect. however, my first thought was how funny the smoke had looked coming out from the oven and how i had to tell lizzie about it. so i did, and she laughed, and i did, too.

sometimes all you need is a friend. someone to be there -to be there no matter how important or trivial the occasion is, to listen no matter how life-changing or stupid the idea is, to hug you no matter how much it hurts or sparkles. a friend makes all the difference in the world. when lizzie and i are out adventuring around the city together, i never worry about getting lost or catching the wrong subway line -because as long as we're together, we'll be fine. in fact, as long as we're together, we'll have fun while we're at it.

i've always known that i need people -that people make or break my world. but i never knew how basic this need in my life is -without elizabeth, my world feels dark. (but elizabeth is always there, so i don't actually fully know what that feels like). with elizabeth, my world is light. of course, it's not quite that black and white. there are many people at home who make my world and without God and my family and friends, there would be no world to get dark or light. but at this moment, during this time in korea, elizabeth is literally the one keeping me together. it's crazy to think that one person can completely make or break me. my (almost) 6 months here have been amazing because of her...not because i love korea or i love my kids or i love kimchi. (though i do actually love my kids).

it makes me realize that no matter what i end up doing in the coming years, it's going to be about the people i'm with. i had no idea this year would be all about a friendship rather than a country or a job. people are who we relate to -and what are experiences without people to share them with? my experiences here -whether it's burning cookies, getting trapped on the subway, walking to school in the morning, or visiting a van gogh exbibit -would mean nothing if elizabeth wasn't here to laugh, cry, smile, etc. with me during them. but because she's here, they are incredible. God gives us people to share our lives with and it's truly one of the most beautiful things i know.

2008-04-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

change -i hate you. hate is a very strong word, and i hardly ever use it, but in this case, you deserve it. i hate it that you make me change -but even more so, i hate myself for being changeable. it feels so non-committal and insincere. how can i be so set, so secure, so comfortable -then you come along, whip everything out from under my toes, and yes, i spend some time on the floor, but eventually i get up again and i'm fine. i hate it that i can be fine. then not fine. then fine again. life is full of you. if life were a monopoly game, you'd have double hotels on not only boardwalk and park place, but all the greens and yellows as well. if we weren't able to get over you, mr. change (yes, change is a guy) we wouldn't be able to survive, i do know this. if we couldn't come to love a person and then learn to live without them, we wouldn't be able to cope with life. but i hate it. i hate it that i'm ok without loved ones, and i hate it that in the coming months and years, i'll learn to live without people who once held my world together. yes mr. change, i hate you.

2008-03-20T01:03:00.000-07:00

happy first day of spring!! and what a lovely first day of spring it is here in korea. just what it should be -sunny and warm and clear and just slightly breezy. i just took a jaunt down to the post office and finally mailed the letter i wrote my gramma over 3 weeks ago. (oops). it had been quite a while since i'd visited the ladies there at the office, but they had the same smile for me. i think they are my favorite.

so the last few weeks have been pretty crazy. we've gotten a new teacher, new classes, new kindergarten kids, and grades were due on monday! i'm just now beginning to feel a little on top of things...or at least not so buried. my new little kids are terribly cute. almost too cute. there's trent who looks up at you with his big eyes and says, "hello teacher" every time he passes you in the hall. there's pink, who used to be named allison, but then she chose a favorite color. there's lucia in her pink polka dot tights and red converse. there's eric who never really knows what he's doing, but always has a content smile on his face (wherever his head is, he's enjoying it). there's brandon who could be the star of jackson 5, dance moves and all. and so many more! i forgot my camera all week, so i don't have any pictures yet -but we're having a birthday party tomorrow, so i'll soon have all kinds of eye sweets for you.

i've decided that i won't know how to live without elizabeth when i get back home. seriously...we probably spend 90 percent of our time awake together. and the other 10 percent of the time we're talking online and i'm keeping track of everything that happened while she wasn't there. somehow i feel the need to tell her everything -when my toast burns, when i cut myself shaving, when i water my plant, when i can't sleep, when i miss people at home. she's always there. so yes, i've decided that if i'm going to be able to live without her in 8 months, i'd better start weaning myself now. but is there actually any chance of that? no siree bob. we're just going to have large gas/cell phone bills when we get home. that's all there is to it.

since my family is in mexico this week, i've had some lonely mornings without them to talk to on skype. but my brother (as elizabeth has realized, when i say "my brother," i am specifically referring to nate, even though i have 5 brothers) has been filling in wonderfully. he makes me think. i like to think. here are a few thoughts from things i've been listening to/watching...

"i wanna be real -something you can sink your teeth into." (over the rhine) that's what i want to be, too.

"i don't want to own anything until i find a place where me and things go together. i'm not sure where that is, but I know what it's like. it's like Tiffany's. if i could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!" (breakfast at tiffany's)
i think we're all out looking for that place -if you find it, please let me know.

i don't know about you, but i was feeling the need for a snack. and not just any old snack -reeses peanut butter cups! and not just the little ones -a big one! i just realized i have enough stored up that i can have 1 a week until my mom gets here and replenishes my supply...haha. it was probably better before i knew that. ah well. chocolate is good for you. make sure to get outside and take time to smell the roses -but if you can't manage, at least stop by google.com and admire the red and yellow bouquets. =)

ps -i'd like you to meet my new housemates -charlie and mary elizabeth. (charlie is looking for a middle name, so if you have any ideas, let me know and i'll tell him).

2008-02-22T17:06:00.000-08:00

hello hello!

much has happened over the last few weeks. some big things, many small.

-i no longer live alone -elizabeth got me a plant! his name is charlie.
-our schedule at school is changing. it was quite a frustrating couple of days when we found out early this week, but all is well. or will be well, eventually.
-after much debate, elizabeth and i have given up chai tea, koolaid, and soda for lent. (the chai mostly for me, the soda mostly for lizzie, and the koolaid for both of us).
-we had our last day with our older set of kindies yesterday (friday). they graduate on monday. =( our little ones -all grown up! it will be a rather sad day.
-i finished my second agatha christie mystery -brilliant!
-we went out and sang kareoke with all the teachers from school last night. with pop classics like "skater boy," "1985," and "since you been gone," it was a great time.
-at korean class we learned how to say, "i am from america,""mee-guk esa wa-sy-yo." my kids were dually impressed and i say it most every chance i get.
-our californian teacher, bryan, is leaving school and we are getting a new teacher, jayne, from the UK.
-we found eggo waffles at costco and have been enjoying them to their potential.
-elizabeth turned 24! (which is really 25 here in korea).
-both our moms nailed down their plans to visit in april, it's going to be mom month! we couldn't be more excited.
-i bought a skirt and found out i barely fit into a size large, which is the largest size they have here.
-the cold has been scared off (somewhat) by the sun.
-elizabeth and i finished the second season of grey's anatomy. (quite an accomplishment, really...)
-i switched the cards hung all over my house from christmas to valentines.
-we went to cindy and big tiger's (our bosses) house during the lunar holiday and got to have dawng (sp?), traditional rice noodle soup.
-elizabeth and i have successfully depleted our supply of oatmeal, time for another costco run. =)
-i miss my guitar horribly and may have to look for a cheap old one around here.
-i went out to chase the sun a couple of days ago and ended up adventuring through a maze of trails up and down a "mountian forest" of sorts (which would have suited any washingtonian) nearby. it gave me a much needed dose of vitamin e. (some pictures below).

here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure:

lizzie and i sorting out science projects in the lobby at school -a favorite monthly pastime.

hanging out in the teacher's office at school.

with my starfishies on a feildtrip to the space museum!

lizzie's birthday breakfast.

lizzie's party at cindy and big tiger's house.

being the model students we are at korean class.

yet another toaster oven meal from the pros.

look, there are trees!

and a trail! let's follow it!

the sun makes me so happy. (but elizabeth is my happy drug).

one of the many sidewalk fruit stands in my neighborhood.

i'm losing my beloved seal class to 1st grade.

i don't have favorites, but...caleb's smile is about the best thing in the world.

my last lunch with starfish class. boo hoo.

out with leora, annie, eunice, and jessie.

the foreign teachers. we stick together. like glue. literally. but bryan is leaving...sad sad.

next time i shall tell you about our adventure shopping for outfits (elizabeth and i don't really do "professional") to wear to graduation on monday. it should make for a good story, seeing as their largest size barely fits us and we have to go to special stores to find shoes even relatively close to our size. fun fun. =) thanks for reading! from korea, i wish you all a lovely day. peace.

2008-02-07T03:04:00.000-08:00

on one particularly crappy day during the summer, i asked my brother, "do you ever wish there was something you could take to make all the bad stuff go away? i just need something to make me feel like everything is ok. even if it isn't, i just need to feel like it is."

"amanda -that's what drugs do."

"oh. right."

i never understood why people did drugs. i never understood what could drive a person to such a desperate state that they felt they had to somehow leave reality for a brighter place. my wise little brother understands all too well, and now i do, too. it's really not such a desperate state -it's the state we're all in -we just cope with it differently. all we want is something to take the pain away -something to make us feel like everything is ok. when we're little, momma and daddy tell us everything will be ok. and we believe them. why shouldn't we? we don't know any better. and it's not that they're lying to us -but in that moment, they reassure us because it's what we need to hear, not because they are sure of it's truth. as we get older, we slowly realize our parents aren't the all-knowing, all-powerful beings we once thought. we turn to other things -music, literature, drugs, alcohol, relationships, academics, work. it's why we join online dating sites and sit at local bars making sure the seat next to us is open. it's why we can't be awake more than 33 minutes without coffee and why we eat like there's no tomorrow. it's why we watch tv shows where beautiful men and women lead romantic and exciting lives -because it's easier to cry over their lost boyfriend, over their dying spouse, rather than crying over our own spilled milk. it's all a kind of drug.

a lot of the time, i'd rather not feel anything than feel what is in my soul. i'll do most anything to bury it -throw myself into a good book, find a new band i like, spend all my time with people, bake some bread, clean my house -anything to get away from the worries, insecurity and hopelessness that come if i allow myself to feel too deeply. but this isn't right. not only does it mean all those feelings are rotting away somewhere inside, it means i'm not experiencing the joy i'm created to live in. since i've been in korea away from home, i've felt more "depressed" than i ever have before. depressed is a strong word, and i don't mean to say i've lived in a state of depression, but i mean it to say at times i've literally felt "pressed" down, "pressed" against, "pressed" to the point it physically hurts. i'm not used to that. but at the same time, i've felt the most -what's the opposite of depressed? uplifted? -that i've ever felt. i've felt spontaneous joy and hope through simple little things more than i ever have. i've laid on the floor and cried and cried because i don't know how to cope with being alone. and i've danced around my kitchen (the laminate floor is incredibly conducive to socked feet) feeling so happy to just be alive. once you start letting yourself feel, i think both extremes are bound to pop up. without the feeling of utter hopelessness, you can't realize how wonderful it is to find hope. it's not a new concept -without pain, we wouldn't know what happiness is. but i'm realizing it in a new, very real way.

in her book, "traveling mercies," anne lamott (yes, she started all this) talks about grieving over the loss of her dad and best friend. she says, "don't get me wrong; grief sucks; it really does. unfortunately, though, avoiding it robs us of life, of the now, of a sense of living spirit...you can often avoid the pain by trying to fix other people, etc...but the bad news is that whatever you use to keep the pain at bay robs you of the flecks and nuggets of gold that feeling grief will give you...the more often i cried in my room in ixtapa and felt just generally wretched, the more often i started to have occasional moments of utter joy, of feeling aware of each moment shining for its own momentous sake."

it isn't always death that we avoid grieving over. it's unmet expectations, spoiled plans, broken relationships, unrealized dreams. the more they pile up, the more numb we become to pain and it's softening, gentling, molding, refining affect on us. at least those are my current thoughts. it sucks to feel the "lows," but i'd rather feel them than not feel the "highs." i'm far away from my family and friends, but i have a most wonderful friend to hang out with tonight. if i didn't cry over how much it sucks to be away from the ones i love at home, i wouldn't be this excited to be with someone i love here. "this is plenty of miracle for me to rest in now."

peace...until my thoughts overflow next time. =)

2008-02-04T07:05:00.000-08:00

i feel like i've had a breakthrough! minor -maybe. meaningful -without a doubt. here's the story.

here in korea, people don't shop the way way we do in the states. rather than going to costco every couple of weeks and stocking both the upstairs and downstairs freezers, they stop by the store on their way home from work most every day and buy only what they can carry -usually without a bag. i've slowly become accustomed to this way of life -so i frequently visit the corner grocery store down my street. elizabeth and i are pretty much the only foreigners in this area -seriously, in the last 3 months we've seen 3 in our vicinity. so i'm quite the spectacle, walking down the aisles past the dried seaweed and whole raw fish, heading for the bread and milk. the clerks have been patient with my ignorance and do things like tap the screen to show me my total rather than repeat it aloud to my blank face. but of course i'm a more difficult customer -and who really wants to add difficulty to their lives? so i try to make things as simple as possible and don't buy anything bulk that requires extra help, etc. anyway, i was there buying water (a favorite pastime) a couple of days ago, and i went up to a clerk i've seen there most everyday for the last 3 months (i swear, she lives there). as i handed her the money, i gave my usual smile and my best "cumsamnida" with a little bow. (because i feel like a bow smooths everything over -even my poor korean). but this time, rather than saying "dae" and shooing me along, she looked up, gave me a big smile, and said, "bye bye!" i was taken aback for a good couple of seconds, but then i slowly realized she was speaking my language, and i smiled back at her with a "bye." i was instantly struck with the significance of such a minor interaction. i had never realized how much a little thing like talking to your clerk at the store means -communication is an amazing thing and when its hindered by things like language, it's sad and just plain difficult. i walked out of that store feeling like i'd connected with all of korea -not just a lady in a grocery store. it was quite wonderful.

it just goes to show that with enough time away from the little things, you realize how important they are.

ok, now unlike hercule poirot (i'm reading my first agatha christie mystery!), i'm not getting surges of mental energy as i sit here relaxing. hastings, who does only "one thing" when he sits still and lets himself relax, is more my type. i'm now moving on to experience that "one thing" more comfortably in bed. =)

2008-01-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

wow -there is so much to think about. just in the last couple of hours since i got back from school, my mind has gone from tom cruise and scientology, christmas letters and chocolate's life-improving power, to love languages and the "davos question." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCA9vhT_In4)

there's so much going on around me. whether it's happening to the friend sitting next to me or the child miles and miles away from me -it's hard to keep everything straight. political issues, religious ideals, personal problems. what should i care about? how should i spend my time? i tend to focus on loving and investing in the people directly around me -because i can't seem to get my head around anything much further than that. i don't know all the ins and outs of the iraqi war and i don't have an educated opinion on the subject -but when i ask my students the question:
"what do you think is the greatest invention of all time?"
and one of them answers:
"nuclear weapons -because they can kill people."-
i know something is wrong. something is very wrong.

there are millions of answers to the davos question -"what one thing can countries, companies, and individuals do to make the world a better place in 2008." emma thompson said, "listen to eachother." bono said, "end extreme poverty." president hamid karzai said, "be kind and considerate to eachother." another girl said, "support and pursue science and technology." it's good that we're asking the question and thinking about ways it can be answered, even fulfilled, this year. but it's sad because i can't help thinking that no matter how good everyone's intentions are, no matter how hard we try to listen and be kind to eachother, and no matter how much tom cruise believes he is the one who can help the people in the car accident on the side of the road -only God can help. i believe we are His hands and His feet to a broken world -but i also believe the world is in fact broken and only He can ultimately make it "a better place." it's a tricky thing. i keep coming back to the fact that all we can do is love people and pray they see God in us. yep.

2008-01-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

"hallelujah -God is near!"

i think i need to put this on my wall in big letters so i see it first thing every morning when i wake up. or better yet, i should attach a stick to my head and hang the statement from it like a carrot in front of a horse. it's the truth and it's revolutionary! knowing that God is near should affect every word i say, every thought i think, every note i write, every smile i give or don't give. God is near -and that changes everything. hallelujah!

today at church, pastor marc choi from new york was visiting. he said, "we need to be an ugly church." it's true -rather than getting all beautiful before we head off to church, we need to be real and transparent in our brokenness. but like lizzie and i were saying at starbucks tonight, we also need to live in hope as people who are being rebuilt. we need to be vulnerable in our weaknesses, but also show others the strength we have in Jesus. we are broken just like everyone else -but we have found hope and must live so that others want what we have. broken people loved by God loving broken people with God's love.

in his song, "remedy," david crowder says,
"where there is pain, let us bring grace.
where there is suffering, bring serenity.
for those afraid, let us be brave.
where there is misery, let us bring relief.
let us bring the remedy,
surely we can change...something."

donald miller says, "we are called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding."

in her account of a young girl struggling to find hope, jamie tworkowski says, "we are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. we don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. we won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."

it's easy to be hopeful and zealous sitting in my apartment dreaming of revolutions of love sweeping the world. the hard part is walking out my door tomorrow morning and walking the streets with that same hope and zeal. God help us.

He is near -hallelujah!

2008-01-07T05:05:00.000-08:00

i went back to school today after a week long vacation and on my desk waiting for me were a package and 4 letters. wow!! that's all i can say. i have gotten letter after letter since i've been here, package after package...etc. i can't tell you how loved it makes me feel and how much it helps knowing people at home love me and are praying for me while i'm a world away. you have no idea how much it helps when i'm alone in my house to pull a letter out of my purse and just hold it because i know someone who loves me held it. i know i'm a sentimental mushy pot, but it's true. i was sitting here on my bed reading my letters through once, then twice, then again...and all of a sudden i was overwhelmed with the thought of how many people are praying for me at home. no wonder i'm ok -no wonder the moments when i feel like i can't handle it never last long. God's holding me. and and He's holding you, too...which actually means we aren't very far apart, although God's hands are pretty big seeing as He's got the whole world in His hands. =)

thank you, thank you, thank you for praying for me and loving me in all the ways you do. really, thank you.

(ok, thanks for letting me be a big soppy teddy bear for a bit.)

2008-01-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

i'm constantly amazed by people. i love watching people (unbeknownst to them, of course) and riding the subway provides the perfect opportunity. on my right a middle aged man talks to his wife on his cellphone...he speaks softly and surely, chuckling under his breath often, and sighing as if every moment away from her wears on him. across from me a girl sits on her mother's lap looking like she thinks she should stand up and be a "big girl," even though she wants nothing more than to stay warm and secure with her mother's arms clasped around her. down at the end of the car an old man sits with his back upright, facing the people around him with suspicion as if he's experienced too much to sit back and trust.

it's easy for me to be critical of society. i look around and it seems like nobody cares about anybody but themselves. but then something happens -i'm helping elizabeth find the right size coat at a sidewalk sale and a taxi driver pulls over and starts motioning dramatically to get our attention, trying to show us that elizabeth should make sure the arms are long enough and that it isn't too narrow across the shoulders. when we leave with the "correct" size, he waves and gives us the thumbs up, satisfied that he has successfully led another shopper down the tricky road to a good fit. or i'm standing on a crowded subway when a man behind me gets up, leaving an empty seat, and the neighboring lady hurriedly saves it with her hand and motions me to sit down. or elizabeth and i are standing in line at the post office and an old lady at the counter notices us admiring her brightly striped socks and gives us such a big smile that i wonder if it hurts her.

then i remember it's still God's world no matter how much we twist it -so of course there's love everywhere. then i smile, promptly take back my critiques, and wonder at how much love goes unnoticed and unaccepted everyday. it's there if we look for it. and hopefully we're adding to it.

2007-12-29T06:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is here,
happiness and cheer.
fun for all that children call
their favorite time of year.

after listening to my one Christmas cd about 4000 times, i broke down and bought "a charlie brown Christmas." it's wonderful. i know Christmas is technically over, but it doesn't really feel like i got my fair share of the holiday since we only got the 1 day off and had to work the rest of the week. so elizabeth and i are extending Christmas into this coming week which is our winter vacation! besides making and decorating sugar cookies, i'm not sure what that will entail -but i do know that my Christmas decorations are staying out.

here are a few pictures of what Christmas looked like here in korea.

"ho ho ho, merry Christmas!" here i am demonstrating the santa beards our kids got to make at the Christmas party.

andy tries to convince santa that he really has been a good boy all year. (except for that one time he tried to flush his sister's barbie doll's head down the toilet...)

jenny and jessy wait for their turn with santa.

near michael's apartment, we found some wild lands to explore. it was great fun. we walked back carrying 2 huge branches which michael wanted to use in his decorating. we got a funny look from the apartment attendant as we struggled to get them into the elevator. =)

we went to an italian place for Christmas dinner. elizabeth and michael were quite happy at the prospect of calzone and pizza.

seth, brittn, and i were mostly excited about the grape fanta.

i hope you all had a wonderful Christmas whether you were at home or on the other side of the world. don't forget to bring Christmas with you throughout the year when stores don't stock eggnog and the radio doesn't play "chestnuts roasting on an open fire." there is still joy for the world.

peace and love.

2007-12-29T06:19:00.001-08:00

being away from home over Christmas has been really hard. but there are some things that made it just a little bit easier (or harder -elizabeth and i couldn't decide if familiar things made it harder or easier to cope). at home, baking is a big part of the holidays...here, it's a harder since we don't have an oven or a fred meyer to run to for last minute ingredients. but elizabeth and i were bound and determined to do our best, so one night we wrote out our grocery list and set out for itaewon, (a kind of foreigner's haven). after searching a couple different foreign food markets, we went home victorious (and broke).

evaporated milk -$2.50

chocolate -$2.50

marshmallows -$3.00

duncan hines frosting -$5.50

"sugar powder" (aka powdered sugar) -$3.00

sprinkles!! -$3.50

fudge, chex muddy buddies, and sugar cookies -priceless!

sunshine on my shoulder...

2007-12-18T19:04:00.000-08:00

the sun is shining into my window...getting in my eyes and making it hard to see my computer screen. (ironic, yes?) do i mind? most definitely not. far from minding it, i'm soaking it in...literally. my poor white skin can't get enough and the warmth on my face is one of the best feelings in the world. besides human touch -that of our families, friends, and lovers -i think the sun's touch has the biggest impact on us. it does on me at least.

elizabeth and i were out walking yesterday in search of the post office, and at a few points we found ourselves "on the sunny side of the street." it was freezing, but the sunshine's rays pierced the cold with no problem and made our red noses feel like they could live another day. sunshine just makes me happy. i think that's one reason why the people walking around big cities seem to be more sullen and depressed. the sun rarely makes it down to the streets! and we rarely remember to look up.

over the past few days elizabeth and i have been realizing how important the bare necessities are to our happiness. if we're cold -we're not happy. if we're hungry -we're not happy. if we're warm -we're happy. if we're full of good food -we're happy. if we're warm AND full of good food -wow, we're about the happiest girls on earth. of course happiness is a fleeting feeling, and we have joy through both cold and hunger...but it's nice to feel happy. God doesn't leave us cold and hungry, either physically or spiritually. yesterday especially, traipsing through the cold with elizabeth at my side, i had reason after reason to feel warm and full -both inside and out. thank you God.

2007-12-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

good morning! i've decided it's high time you saw pictures of who i spend the majority of my time with -my kids.

here are the little ones -my kitten class. (leo, chris, wain, rob, cindy, angel, kelly, and owen)

singing "baby beluga" at the top of their lungs.

cindy thinks chris is about the funniest thing in the world.

owen basks in the glory of rice cakes. (at the november birthday party)

cindy isn't quite as excited as owen...after all, this is pizza, not rice cakes.

little angel.

i love owen.

being the crazy kids they are.

the not-as-little-ones...piglet class. (nick, jonathan, and kevin)

off in their own world (like normal).

they love science (this is just before the water spilled all over the floor and kevin's jeans).

my starfish class. (jessy, justin, judy, jenny, june, mason, edith, and andy)

lunch time!

june, edith, and andy on our field trip to the aquarium.

jessy is so cute.

edith, judy, and jennie -they were smiling fantastically until they saw the camera.

june -a cute handful.

this is classic andy-justin-mason.

my seal class. (alice, lisa, nancy, caleb, brian, willy, dominic, and rachel)

semi-lined up after class.

alice and lisa writing me love notes on the board before class.

nancy and lisa (in the pig tails i did for her...hmmm, i may need to work on my height?)

"willy willy willy" and brian's big smile.

caleb, dominic and classic rachel.

my oldest elementary class -SA.

after the girls decorated the board for my birthday. (you probably can't tell, but i'm fearing for the life of my camera as kevin and john fight over who gets to take the picture)

introducing our fellow teachers to the goodness of chicken quesadillas.

yes, i spend alot of time with my kids. but in actuality i spend the majority of my time -at school, at home, at coffee shops, etc. -with this kid. she's my favorite. =)

2007-12-12T05:55:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is here. it comes in korea, too...surprise surprise. but Christmas isn't shown physically in the same ways here. while the malls are decorated with the traditional trees and lights, the rest of the city hasn't changed much. strings of red, green, and yellow lights don't outline every house and wreaths don't grace the doors i walk by on my way to school. i haven't seen nativity scenes out in front of churches -in fact i haven't seen a single mary, joseph or baby Jesus anywhere. of course the decorations aren't what Christmas is about -but they do help to bring about a certain feeling of "cheer and goodwill." it's a little weird for commercial areas to be the only places that feel like "Christmas."

but i no longer have to go to the mall to feel the Christmas spirit! i just spent the last couple of hours listening to Christmas songs and decorating my house with anything and everything "Christmasy" i could find. i even made a nativity scene with a few toilet paper rolls and some teabags and ribbon (i can't claim the idea since it came from a product of my dad's early years -but he didn't use tea bags!). it feels just about right. now i just need company to fill every crack and crevice with warmth and laughter. so feel free to stop by sometime this Christmas season (or any time of the year). the Christmas music will be playing and i'll have egg nog and peanut butter balls waiting.

peace and joy to you.

2007-12-07T06:46:00.000-08:00

sometimes i want to be a child again more than anything else in the world -to wake up to my dad cooking breakfast every morning, look forward to peanut butter and jelly every lunch (ok, i still do that), and to be tucked in every night.

there was a book my mom and dad used to read to my brother and me when we were little. well there were alot of books -but one in particular is ingrained in my memory -"a day at the park." it's incredibly simple -a sister and brother leave the house with their mom for a day at the park . with a small hand clasped in her right hand, and another in her left, the mom leads her children out the door, down the sidewalk, across several streets, until they come to the park. the brother and sister (they probably had names, but they aren't coming to me) play all afternoon and after splashing in a water fountain, walk home with towels wrapped tightly around their wet swimsuits. when they get home, the kids change into dry clothes and the mom makes hot tomato soup and warm bread with butter. they have cold ice cream for dessert. then they get into warm pajamas and the dad reads them a bedtime story. after the story, the girl is worried that she won't be able to sleep, but her dad assures her that she will fall asleep and dream about her wonderful day at the park. and she does.

it's that simple.

my life was like that a few years ago (ok, so more like a few decades ago...). it was wonderful. but i didn't realize it at the time. i knew life was good, but i didn't stop to think about it. i miss playing with my brother -taking care of him back when i was a couple heads taller than him. we've traded places in that respect, but we still take care of each other. alot has changed since we were little -we don't make massive marble runs, record christian radio shows, or play "kaleb sees you, you're dead." but we still play games and he still hates losing, and we still jump on the trampoline and sing "i'm the winner under the apple tree." we've also matured a bit, therefore we do more mature things -like talk about religion and cs lewis, share our latest music finds, drink black coffee (ok, mine's more like slightly brown milk), and play hide and seek when we go camping. i guess it's an ok trade -just a bit more complicated.

now, no matter how much i miss being a child, i'm going to do a very adult thing and go to bed because i'm tired. if my dad was here, i know he would pray with me and assure me that i would fall asleep and dream of my wonderful day at...school?

2007-12-02T02:14:00.000-08:00

i just got back from a service at unnori community church, here in seoul. linda, one of the korean teachers at my school, attends there and she told us they hold english services for foreigners. i went expecting to sing familiar praise songs, study a familiar bible passage, etc. but i found something a little different. while i was hurriedly walking (i was a few minutes late) up to the 5th floor of the building i had been told (or so i thought), i heard singing and thought surely i was in the right place. as i got to the top of the stairs, i realized i couldn't understand what the people were singing, but it was too late to turn around. yep, i was at a korean service! i stopped for a second at the door and a lady smiled and said something i couldn't understand -but i could understand the smile, and that was all i needed. as i walked into the big room, i can't describe it -but i felt at home. there wasn't another foreigner in the room, and i'm sure everyone thought i was lost, but for one of the first times in korea, i didn't feel out of place. i didn't know the song everyone was singing, but i knew the God they were singing to. i couldn't understand the prayers they were praying, but i knew Who they were praying to. i didn't knew the passage of Scripture they were studying, but i knew the God who inspired the Scripture. (ok, actually i think i figured out that they were looking at galations 2:11-21 by a process of elimination -there are only so many 2:11-21 passages that work in the new testament. ) it was one of the most beautiful times i've ever experienced. i saw God in a new way -among people i probably have nothing in common other than the fact that we serve the same God. it was beautiful.

next time i think i'll try out the english service, but i'm glad i got "lost" and found God in a korean service today.

there's much more to tell you about -thanksgiving last weekend, the kids birthday party the other day, etc. but i'm attempting to make peanut butter cookies in my toaster oven, and i already burned a batch while writing this, so i should stop multi-tasking. (i also just realized i forgot to put the eggs in my batter -oh well, i guess i'll find out how important eggs are in peanut butter cookies. =))

thank you so much for your prayers -God is near. love and peace.

2007-11-19T04:41:00.000-08:00

guess what -it's snowing! the voices down in the street outside my window have gotten louder and more excited since it started falling...and suddenly elizabeth and i aren't so tired after all. there's just something about snow that's so magical, and korean snow is no exception. seeing as i won't be going to bed for awhile, i thought i would break out the hot chocolate and give you a little update.

on thursday, lizzy and i got a taste of home -costco. here's the blow by blow:

with my huge backpack and lizzy's suitcase, we hoped to get all the essentials safely home.

hardly half a block from lizzy's apartment, we were faced with a deal we couldn't pass up -cotton candy for 300 won (30 cents).

that's the look of pure happiness. with the fluffy pink stuff in hand, we continued our journey.

we found it -the first glimpse of freedom!

it was everything we'd dreamed and more. after perusing the first floor for quite some time, we started to wonder where the food was. happily, we soon found an escalator (for carts!) that led us to a basement full of familiar sights and smells.

they had just about everything -cheese, bagels, muffins, cream cheese, real butter, tortillas, etc. and we'll just have to live without adam's peanut butter, cheeze-its, and graham crackers. they even had a few extra products we decided to pass up.

after filling our cart to the brim with wonderful food...

...things gotten even better! yes, that's right -chicken bakes for dinner!

as you can see, it was a bit darker when we left costco than when we went in. =)

we got home -prized bagels and all -safe and sound. you can probably tell what what our diets have missed the most -carbs, carbs, and more carbs.

needless to say, we're pretty happy about finding costco. somehow things like chicken quesadillas have the ability to make life a whole lot more enjoyable. it's all about the simple things. on that note, i just started reading a book by shane clairborne, "the irresistible revolution," and it's incredibly challenging! i highly recommend it (at least the 70 pages i've read so far), but be prepared to be a bit shaken up. more on that later.

now it's bed time! thanks for all your prayers. loves.

2007-11-16T03:33:00.000-08:00

it's friday night!! and what am i doing?? well, my big plans are to watch gilmour girls while doing the dishes (yes, multitasking is my specialty).

i walked home from school by myself for the first time tonight. it made me realize how wonderful it is to have lizzy here. every day for the last 3 weeks she has waited around during my last class so we can walk home together. (only tonight she needed to get back asap because her brother was going to be online). it's a little sad walking home alone and unlocking the door to a dark, empty (of people, that is) apartment. but just think how many people come home to that everyday! when lizzy and i are on the subway (which is quite often, considering it's our only mode of transportation), we're usually some of the only people in the car who are traveling together. there may be millions of people around, but it's a lonely world. once again, thank God for elizabeth.

2007-11-13T06:17:00.002-08:00

lizzy and i had a feast tonight -thanks to kirsta's leftover food -chicken enchiladas!! it wasn't until the gooey goodness was sticking to the roof of my mouth that i realized what my life had been missing for the last 3 weeks -cheese. consequently, (and for a few other reaons like chocolate, graham crackers, and mac and cheese), we're setting out ot find costco on thursday. armed with our marked up subway map, a long shopping list, and a huge rolling suitcase, we will conquer costco like never before.

the past few days have been especially hard for me emotionally...but God is so faithful. i wake up in the mornings in a kind of panic, as if i don't know where i am or what i'm doing here. as night comes, i dread going to bed and not falling asleep right away, therefore having time to think about people i miss. i've ended up memorizing psalm 91 and it helps to have something come instantly to mind whenever panic threatens. thank God for elizabeth -she gives amazing hugs.

2007-11-13T06:17:00.001-08:00

i've decided that my kindergarten classes are my favorite. the older kids are lots of fun to teach, too, but kindergartners are so cute and excited about learning -they actually WANT to learn. that makes things fun. each child is such a character -there's willy who lives in a far away world and whose mouth drops wide open every time i manage to pull him back to the world of phonics. there's kevin who likes to draw complex math problems on the white board while i'm teaching new spellings words. there is jenny who drops her pencil on the floor and leans over inch by inch as slowly as possible as if she's an old lady with arthritis. there is 5 year old owen who can't understand a word i say, but looks up at me with his big eyes, hanging on my every word. and there is lisa who draws hearts full of love notes for me on the white board before class, but doesn't listen to a word i say during class. etc. etc. etc. i can't wait to take pictures so you can see their cuteness first hand.

2007-11-13T05:30:00.000-08:00

my aunt betty ruth just reminded me that i've neglected my blog over the past week. now i know someone reads this! =)

so i'm now in the middle of my 3rd week of teaching, and i can officially say i've eaten spam. i thought it was carrots, and my kids told me it was ham...but i was pretty sure it wasn't ham. sure enough, lizzy walked in after lunch and gave the unfortunate news -it must have been spam. what can i say -i was hungry! and with enough rice, even spam isn't that bad. that's one thing i'm not used to -the mindset that this is what i have to eat, and if i don't eat it, i'll be hungry for a long time. there isn't any fridge to go to -no it's "that red stuff" or nothing at all.

it's quite a different experience living life as part of the minority. especially when the total of that minority is made up of you and the person walking next to you. lizzy and i have not seen a single caucasian in our area of town -and it's doubtful that we will. i've never gotten so much attention! for awhile i thought that cars were slowing down so i could walk safely, but no, they are slowing down to get a better view of the white girl. there have been several times when lizzy and i have been stopped on a street corner, and people will come up and stand 2 feet from us and stare -literally stare at us for seconds on end. it's good to know what it feels like to be the different one, but i can't say it feels good. besides their staring, koreans are extremely friendly and welcoming. it's just a difference in cultures -diversity is simply not a part of life here!

2007-11-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

elizabeth and i went to a distrit called "itawain" (aka, the "foreign district") last week and found something amazing -foreign food!

the guys at subway made an incredible turkey sandwich...

and the hot chocolate at starbucks was superb. (though somewhat of a splurge at $5).

a taste of the states was a welcome surprise, not that i don't enjoy rice and kimchi. (honestly, i can't say i feel like korean food and i are a perfect match, but i'm trying hard to make the relationship work since i don't have much of a choice. but actually, there are a few foods, like korean bbq, that i have really enjoyed!!).

i'm very excited about experiencing the korean culture, but it's nice to know french fries and whoppers are there if i ever need them. =) peace.

2007-10-31T05:57:00.000-07:00

i'm so sorry. i spelled "nodding" wrong right off the bat in my last blog, and it's bugging me like no other. but i can't for the life of me figure out how to edit it, because everything's in korean! haha. what a pickle. so please accept my apologies, i'll proofread next time. it just goes to show i really was nodding off...in fact my spelling skills were already asleep.

in other news, the mosquitoes that have been gorging themselves on my facial blood the past few nights are no more. at least we think they are. elizabeth killed two tonight, so hopefully that means the whole family is in a better place, bug heaven.

2007-10-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

i was sitting on my floor (it's heated!!) working on lesson plans until about 10 minutes ago when i started knodding off to sleep. so i decided it was time for an internet break. =)

today was only my second day of teaching, but i'm already realizing how unrealistic my expecations for my kids are. in general, the school is happy if the kids are happy, which, more importantly, means that the moms are happy. i don't know how i feel about that. which is more important -that a child learns, or that she is happy? hopefully both can happen in my classroom.

elizabeth and i have decided that we want to learn korean, if only for the sole purpose of understanding the korean teachers when they are talking in the teacher's room. there have been a few choice moments when we've realized that they are talking about us -rather awkward and a bit disconserting.

on a lighter note, we went shopping for the first time today...if you can call buying overpriced bugles, m&m's, milk, wheat noodles, and eggs at a convenience store 1/4 the size of 7-11, "shopping." on our way home, we passed "save-mart," which is much bigger and surely more affordable, a block from my apartment. what can we say, we're foreigners. (and we don't have to say it, it shows). now we know!

on our way back from shopping, we passed a little fried chicken shop that was getting a lot of action, there was a line out the door blocking the neighboring shops. techno music blasted from large speakers and neon lights flashed into the street, drawing middle aged women in search of an easy dinner for their families. we don't quite fit that category, but we were looking for dinner, and if it was good enough for them, it was good enough for us. 45 minutes later, after two flashily, scantilly clad girls with microphones and fake eyelashes had joined the techno scene out on the street, making it feel like las vegas, we walked out with all-american fried chicken. we soon realized they had added a korean touch -spicey red sauce hid under the skin. i knew there had to be a catch.

the internet is fast losing it's ability to keep me awake, so i'll bid you goodnight.
peace.

2007-10-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

apparently blogspot knows i'm in korea, because all of a sudden everything is in korean! just because i'm here doesn't mean i can speak korean -as the lady at the corner grocer would be quick to tell you.

so i'm here! the idea of writing about everything that has happened in the past 5 days is incredibly overwhelming -so i think i'll spare both you and me, and just give some highlights.

tuesday (oct. 23rd) -my brothers, sisters, aunt sherry, and gramma jeri wave goodbye from the deck at home, and my mom, dad, and rach wave goodbye from the other side of security at the airport. some tears were shamelessly involved.

wednesday (oct. 24th) -elizabeth and i awake to "breakfast" at 3:30am. we go for the safe(r) choice -omelett rather than rice noodles. now that we're awake, we play a few rounds of "airplane trivia" -i get into the "top ten" by choosing letter A before reading the question every time.

thursday (oct. 25th) -8:30am -we arrive in Taipay and spend 2 1/2 hours as the only "foreign girls" in a waiting room full of middle aged business men. i start george macdonald's, "the tutor's first love," while elizabeth plays sudoku.
-11:30am -we arrive in seoul, make it through immigration with flying colors, and meet "big tiger" (our korean boss) in person. while he is tall, i can't see the tiger-resemeblance. in the elevator, he smiles and comments on our luggage, asking if we are going to stay for 10 years. we can't tell if he's joking, so we laugh nervously.
-1:30pm -big tiger drops us off at the school, "TTT (Take it To the Top) Englich Academy," and leaves us to learn the ropes from his wife, cindy. we work to remember the korean teacher's names (hannah, debbie, linda, patric, eunice, and leora) and which curriculem we're to use for each of our 9 classes, while desperatly willing our eyes to stay open.
-7:30pm -we get our first taste of korean food -barbecued meat (i don't think it was dog) and rice wrapped in lettuce. not many things have ever tasted so good! whether that says more about the food or about how hungry i was, i'm not sure. =) as soon as we get to big tigers' house, (and even before in the cab), we fall asleep, utterly exhausted.

friday (oct. 26th) -i follow josie (the english teacher i am replacing) around all day from class to class, desperately trying to remember everything. all i manage to retain is "they love happy faces."

saturday (oct. 27th) -elizabeth and i are dropped off at our new homes -small 1 room/1 bath (without a bath) apartments about 3 blocks from eachother. that night we head downtown to meet our friends brittn and seth from the states. a night of friends, english music, and pasta comforts us and reminds us that we are not the only foreigners in korea.

sunday (oct. 28th) -with "the robbie seay band to accompany me," i unpack my 2 very large suitcases and make my room as homey as possible. silk scarves do the majority of the work. elizabeth and i find bread at a bakery and make frenchtoast -we feel quite proud. my one jar of peanut butter is opened.

monday (oct. 29th) -12:30am -i wake up in a panic and feel sure that it's morning. a look at the clock sends me to psalm 27 for comfort and to george macdonald for heavy eyes.
-7am -i wake up in a panic again, this time because of the insanely loud volume of my alarm. the rest of the morning feels a lot like that same panic as i teach my kindergarten classes and hope that they don't cry for their old teacher. so far so good. during lunch break, the internet starts working at my apartment and i catch mom, dad, kaleb, katie and carrie on skype -talking to them is absolutely wonderful!
-2:30pm -i go back to school with a big smile, ready to conquer anything now that i have internet at home. my elementary age kids aren't really the conquering-type, but they seem to like me and think it's hilarious that my name sounds a bit like "america" -they enjoy calling me "america-teacher," which is more fun that "amanda-teacher."
-6:45pm -i break a huge sigh of relief at the end of my first day of classes. elizabeth and i repeat lunch with leftover rice and dumpling soup from the school kitchen, and hurry home to ultra-quiet apartment (elizabeth pointed out that the walls are probably made of cement).
-8pm -elizabeth smashes one of the mosquitoes that has left my left arm, shoulder, and the side of my face a big blotchy red mess. i wash my sheets in case any of mr. bug's friends found a nice, warm home, and hang them out to dry. they are still drying.
-9:30pm -mr. bug's mother in law flies past my computer screen and i just barely miss smacking her into the eightneenth century. at the moment she is still at large, which explains the slippers, sweatpants, sweatshirt, and hat i am sporting. being as my sheets are still wet, it looks like they will be my pajamas.

as you can probably tell, i have stories galore and i've only been here 5 days! i would't mind a few boring, story-less days but i don't think it's meant to be. God is so good.

,

you found me!

2007-10-06T00:25:00.001-07:00

it's nearly 1am and i have decided it's offically time to start a blog dedicated to my time in south korea. after all, as carrie keeps reminding me, i have less than 3 weeks left before i begin the adventure affectionately known as "korea." thanks for taking the time to look me up on here! bookmark the page and feel free to check back often if you have any desire to hear my stories and thoughts as my little world turns upside down and (hopefully) right side up again in a beautiful land far away. i'll try to make it worth your while, but i can't promise anything. do come again soon!