wow -there is so much to think about. just in the last couple of hours since i got back from school, my mind has gone from tom cruise and scientology, christmas letters and chocolate's life-improving power, to love languages and the "davos question." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCA9vhT_In4)

there's so much going on around me. whether it's happening to the friend sitting next to me or the child miles and miles away from me -it's hard to keep everything straight. political issues, religious ideals, personal problems. what should i care about? how should i spend my time? i tend to focus on loving and investing in the people directly around me -because i can't seem to get my head around anything much further than that. i don't know all the ins and outs of the iraqi war and i don't have an educated opinion on the subject -but when i ask my students the question:
"what do you think is the greatest invention of all time?"
and one of them answers:
"nuclear weapons -because they can kill people."-
i know something is wrong. something is very wrong.

there are millions of answers to the davos question -"what one thing can countries, companies, and individuals do to make the world a better place in 2008." emma thompson said, "listen to eachother." bono said, "end extreme poverty." president hamid karzai said, "be kind and considerate to eachother." another girl said, "support and pursue science and technology." it's good that we're asking the question and thinking about ways it can be answered, even fulfilled, this year. but it's sad because i can't help thinking that no matter how good everyone's intentions are, no matter how hard we try to listen and be kind to eachother, and no matter how much tom cruise believes he is the one who can help the people in the car accident on the side of the road -only God can help. i believe we are His hands and His feet to a broken world -but i also believe the world is in fact broken and only He can ultimately make it "a better place." it's a tricky thing. i keep coming back to the fact that all we can do is love people and pray they see God in us. yep.

"hallelujah -God is near!"

i think i need to put this on my wall in big letters so i see it first thing every morning when i wake up. or better yet, i should attach a stick to my head and hang the statement from it like a carrot in front of a horse. it's the truth and it's revolutionary! knowing that God is near should affect every word i say, every thought i think, every note i write, every smile i give or don't give. God is near -and that changes everything. hallelujah!

today at church, pastor marc choi from new york was visiting. he said, "we need to be an ugly church." it's true -rather than getting all beautiful before we head off to church, we need to be real and transparent in our brokenness. but like lizzie and i were saying at starbucks tonight, we also need to live in hope as people who are being rebuilt. we need to be vulnerable in our weaknesses, but also show others the strength we have in Jesus. we are broken just like everyone else -but we have found hope and must live so that others want what we have. broken people loved by God loving broken people with God's love.

in his song, "remedy," david crowder says,
"where there is pain, let us bring grace.
where there is suffering, bring serenity.
for those afraid, let us be brave.
where there is misery, let us bring relief.
let us bring the remedy,
surely we can change...something."

donald miller says, "we are called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding."

in her account of a young girl struggling to find hope, jamie tworkowski says, "we are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. we don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. we won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."

it's easy to be hopeful and zealous sitting in my apartment dreaming of revolutions of love sweeping the world. the hard part is walking out my door tomorrow morning and walking the streets with that same hope and zeal. God help us.

He is near -hallelujah!

i went back to school today after a week long vacation and on my desk waiting for me were a package and 4 letters. wow!! that's all i can say. i have gotten letter after letter since i've been here, package after package...etc. i can't tell you how loved it makes me feel and how much it helps knowing people at home love me and are praying for me while i'm a world away. you have no idea how much it helps when i'm alone in my house to pull a letter out of my purse and just hold it because i know someone who loves me held it. i know i'm a sentimental mushy pot, but it's true. i was sitting here on my bed reading my letters through once, then twice, then again...and all of a sudden i was overwhelmed with the thought of how many people are praying for me at home. no wonder i'm ok -no wonder the moments when i feel like i can't handle it never last long. God's holding me. and and He's holding you, too...which actually means we aren't very far apart, although God's hands are pretty big seeing as He's got the whole world in His hands. =)

thank you, thank you, thank you for praying for me and loving me in all the ways you do. really, thank you.

(ok, thanks for letting me be a big soppy teddy bear for a bit.)

i'm constantly amazed by people. i love watching people (unbeknownst to them, of course) and riding the subway provides the perfect opportunity. on my right a middle aged man talks to his wife on his cellphone...he speaks softly and surely, chuckling under his breath often, and sighing as if every moment away from her wears on him. across from me a girl sits on her mother's lap looking like she thinks she should stand up and be a "big girl," even though she wants nothing more than to stay warm and secure with her mother's arms clasped around her. down at the end of the car an old man sits with his back upright, facing the people around him with suspicion as if he's experienced too much to sit back and trust.

it's easy for me to be critical of society. i look around and it seems like nobody cares about anybody but themselves. but then something happens -i'm helping elizabeth find the right size coat at a sidewalk sale and a taxi driver pulls over and starts motioning dramatically to get our attention, trying to show us that elizabeth should make sure the arms are long enough and that it isn't too narrow across the shoulders. when we leave with the "correct" size, he waves and gives us the thumbs up, satisfied that he has successfully led another shopper down the tricky road to a good fit. or i'm standing on a crowded subway when a man behind me gets up, leaving an empty seat, and the neighboring lady hurriedly saves it with her hand and motions me to sit down. or elizabeth and i are standing in line at the post office and an old lady at the counter notices us admiring her brightly striped socks and gives us such a big smile that i wonder if it hurts her.

then i remember it's still God's world no matter how much we twist it -so of course there's love everywhere. then i smile, promptly take back my critiques, and wonder at how much love goes unnoticed and unaccepted everyday. it's there if we look for it. and hopefully we're adding to it.