i have a job. all of a sudden i have just what i've wanted for the past month. i thought i knew what would make everything alright -a secure position where i would be guaranteed a monthly paycheck. but suddenly i have it and i'm not so sure. maybe i should have run away to the orphanages of africa while i had a chance. now i'm committed. and don't get me wrong, i'm grateful. ever so grateful. it's just strange when you think you know what you want, and you get it only to find you want something else. while security is great, i'm finding there are much more important things. the picture in my head isn't black and white like it used to be -perhaps i need some new glasses. or maybe i should make an exchange for a blank picture with places for all the colors of the rainbow.